


Look over your shoulder

by legolastariel



Series: Say 'Yes' trilogy [3]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Fear, Fear of Death, Fix-it story for 7x12, Friendship/Love, Heartache, Jealousy, M/M, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-15 02:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10548544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legolastariel/pseuds/legolastariel
Summary: “How can I get in touch when I need to see you? How will I know if you’re alright? How will I find you?”“I’ll find you. Soon as yer on a run or searchin' for more people, look over yer shoulder once in a while.”With these words Rick and Daryl said good-bye before Rick left to head back to Alexandria. He thinks Daryl is staying in the Hilltop or somewhere in the woods, hiding from the Saviors, while he heads out with Michonne to find more guns for their deal with the Scavengers. But he is distracted, same as Michonne and so neither takes a look over their shoulder.If they had, they'd know Daryl is following them and what he is seeing causes new heartache and fears. But there is a mission ahead, dangers they must face and they can only do it together. But can they?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rickyl version of 7x12.  
> That episode was screaming for a fix-it story. I used only parts of it, but altered and rearranged them, so while things might be slightly familiar, they are _different_ all the same. Thank God. LOL
> 
> It's unbeta'ed yet and my mother tongue is not English, so bear with me, please. 
> 
> Although it's the third part of a trilogy it can be read alone, I'd say, but reading the other two first is advisable.

_**Look over your shoulder**_

 

Rasp. Rasp. Rasp.

The noise of someone sharpening their knife was the only sound that disturbed the stillness of this young evening as the town of Hilltop calmed down and got ready for the night.   
Open camp fires and BBQ grills were alit in front of the trailers, people were having quiet conversations inside their homes, eating, feeding animals or doing the last of their chores in the twilight of the falling night.   
There was no cheerful chatter, no laughter, so music – it was the quiet before the storm.   
War was upon them and that weighted heavily on each and every soul, yet at the same time there was hope. Hope and a chance on deliverance from the way of life they were leading now. It had to stop. And it would – one way or the other. 

Maggie stood in the doorway of the trailer she shared with Enid and Sasha and looked over to a lone figure sitting a few yards away from her, sharpening his knife.   
Daryl.  
She had been watching him out of the corners of her eye all the while she was preparing their dinner and her heart had grown heavier with each passing minute. 

His motions were slow, lethargic as though he’d been drained of all strength and just moving his hands was an effort. He had sat in that spot for hours now, brooding, staring blindly ahead of himself or sharpening that damn knife over and over and over. The way he held his head low, his shoulders hunched and the apparent lack of all vigor spoke of so much sadness that it broke Maggie’s heart all over.

Didn’t she have a heart-to-heart conversation with him only few hours earlier? Didn’t she tell him that there was nothing to forgive, that Glenn’s death wasn’t on him? When he had left her trailer there’d been tears in his eyes, but she had hoped for those to be the last shed due to a guilt-ridden conscience. He had promised to try. Try to forgive himself, but obviously some promises were harder to keep than others. 

She sighed deeply as she put some of the food on a plate and slowly walked over to the archer.

If only Rick had stayed. When Daryl had left the trailer Rick had been there waiting for him, and Maggie still remembered the way her heart had made a leap of joy when she had looked out of her window and seen those two united once again.   
She didn’t know it any other way. From the day she first met them, they had been around each other and over the years she had watched them grow together, become a unit, become one. As soon as she only saw one of them, she almost felt inclined to look around for the other as though an important part was missing. And it was. They belonged together. They needed to be together. And if there was anything aside of killing the love of her life she truly hated Negan and the Saviors for, it was tearing those two apart time and again. It had to stop. And it would.

For a moment there she had watched Daryl stand in front of the trailer this afternoon, his chest still heaving as he was trying to compose himself – with little success though, until the moment Rick had pulled him into his arms and hugged him tight.   
She had never seen them hug before their reunion two days ago, but things had changed between them. Lots of things had changed. And while Daryl had always kept his distance, never appreciated a hug or any display of affection, he was craving for it now like a drowing person was fighting for air.   
Rick should have stayed. At least for tonight, because apparently Daryl was downing again – in sadness, loneliness, guilt – and there was nothing anyone could have done safe for Rick.   
She could related to his feelings so well. 

Quietly she placed the plate next to the archer onto the table he was sitting on and placed one hand gently on his shoulders, hoping to be able to convey some kind of consolation, but he wouldn’t look up, wouldn’t talk to her.   
Maybe he still felt that he didn’t deserve her kindness, her friendship, her love. And maybe it just wasn’t _her_ touch, _her_ love he needed right now. 

 

Out of the corners of his eye Daryl noticed Maggie placing a plate next to him and felt the warm, solid touch of a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t look up.   
He appreciated what she was trying to do, what they were _all_ trying to do, but he wished they would just leave him be.   
Sasha had tried to include him in her training session for the Hilltop residents earlier, which he had declined. Enid had tried to talk him into helping her in the garden, which he had most definitely declined and although he was hungry and the growling of his stomach was likely to lure walkers to the Hilltop soon, he had no intention of touching the food Maggie had just brought him.  
His stomach was in knots and he didn’t want all of the attention and everybody hovering over him. He just wanted Rick. 

Only few days earlier he would have shook his head and dismissed that kind of behavior as “a damn romance novel”. If it had been anyone else in his shoes, he would have thought they were acting totally over the top, that it was ridiculous to claim to miss someone to the extent of being unable to eat or sleep or even breathe without them around after only few days into a relationship.   
But he wasn’t anyone else.   
For the first time in his life he was feeling this intense for someone else and came to understand why people wrote songs and poems and books about this emotion that so far had been a total stranger to him. Love and Daryl Dixon had passed each other like ships in the night for four decades straight and now, without a warning, without any time to brace himself he was hit full force and was barely able to handle this immense wave of emotions that washed over him.   
He had loved Rick for a long time, but not like this. They’d been friends, brothers, kindred souls, but the small grain of _more_ deep inside of him had never been nurished enough to grow and bloom in all that time. It had remained buried, asleep, waiting, while Daryl had stood back and had watched Rick with Lori, then with Jessie, apparently straight and totally out of reach to him.   
He had never even dared get his hopes up that Rick would ever reciprocate his feelings and then, like a bolt out of the blue, Rick had told him that he loved him, too. Like _that_. Not just as a friend or a brother. He wanted him by his side, wanted him in his life _forever_ , wanted _him._  
Nobody had ever wanted Daryl Dixon. Not as a son, not as a brother, not as a friend, let alone as a lover. And now suddenly there were people who loved him, who were a family, who _saw_ him. And Rick Grimes was so much more than he had hoped to ever have. 

And now of all times they were not only stuck in a zombie apocalypse, but stood at the verge of war. He might lose it all again way too soon, so how could he sit here and train people, do gardening or waste time on such tivial things like eating, sleeping or breathing, when every passing second might be his last – or Rick’s? 

He never knew that love hurt so much. The intensity varied as did the reason and kind of hurt, but it was there – always. Most times it hurt in a good way, like a soft, glowing fire in the center of the chest, accompanied by a light feeling in the head, a tingling sensation in the hands all the way down into the tip of each finger and those ridiculous butterflies in the stomach he had heard about, but could never comprehend what the heck kind of feeling that was supposed to be. He knew now. And he liked it, all of it.   
But the darker side of love was the fact that it worked hand in hand with fear.   
People who didn’t love had nothing to lose, but as soon as there was someone in their life, the fear of losing that someone was a steady companion. It was there every single second of the day and in times like these, when their lives were constantly at stake, it was far more than just a soft, faint shadow lurking in the back of one’s mind. It was as dark and threatening as the Boogieman and had a tendency to grow and multiply, become darker and more minatory the more time passed without word from the beloved person. 

Daryl had never been afraid. Not like that. He never had had anything to lose, hadn’t even valued his own miserable life too much, so what was there to be afraid of? Whether he was alive or not – no one had ever given a damn, including himself, so he had given Death the finger and waited to see what would happen.   
That was until he had met people who cared. People he had come to love. His family. The loss of some of them had taught him to respect and fear Death and now that he felt as strongly as never before for someone, he was terrified.   
So far the higher forces that stirred their fates had considered Daryl Dixon unworthy of happiness and of something good happening in his life. Why would they reconsider now and just let him keep what he had found? Maybe any second now they would realize their mistake and take it all away from him again, put him back in his place – that cold, dark, lonely spot he had been in all of his life – and make sure to never make that mistake again. 

Rick was out there, somewhere, and he may have been in danger this very moment. And sitting here, eating, gardening or showing people how to use a knife Daryl was unable to protect him, to make sure he wasn’t going to lose him. Maybe he already had and just didn’t know it yet. Maybe he had seen Rick for the last time today and the memory of these few precious moments they had shared – of Rick hugging him, kissing him, holding his hand and telling him he loved him – would have to last for the rest of his life, because he would never have anything like that again.

Maybe he would never see Rick’s face again. Never hear his voice again, feel his touch, hold him tight, kiss him, watch him smile … Never again. Gone forever. Lost.

Daryl gasped when he felt as though someone had just stabbed him straight into the center of his chest where the soft, warm glow was supposed to be.   
This had to be what it felt like to lose the love of one’s life and he was responsible for Maggie feeling exactly that way now. Every waking moment of the day from the second she opened her eyes she had to go through this agony and maybe it even tortured her at night, when she had fallen asleep and was haunted by nightmares of Glenn being killed right before her eyes.   
How could she not blame him? How could _he_ not blame himself? She said it wasn’t his fault, said the manic with the bat was responsible, but she was probably lying. To him as well as herself. How could she possibly forgive him for putting her through a life of pain, emptiness and sorrow?  
At best she was deluding herself. Maybe she was _trying_ not to blame him, just like he was _trying_ to forgive himself. They probably both would not succeed. But maybe, if he did everything he could to protect and support her, he could redeem himself and take a little of the heavy load on his shoulders away. But there could be no absolution.

 

When Rick opened his eyes the sun hadn’t come up yet and the town of Alexandria lay in a seemly peaceful quiet. The moon had set and there were no stars out any longer – it was the darkest hour just before dawn.

With a heavy sigh the leader of Alexandria sat up in bed and ran both hands through his unruly curls. He would have needed a couple of hours of undisturbed and refreshing sleep, but the hours that lay behind him had been filled with anything but.   
He had been pondering for the most part of the night, blaming himself for all the mistakes he had made in the past, worrying about those he might make in the future, mourning the people they had lost, dreading to lose any more loved ones.   
Now and then he had dozed off only to be tortured by nightmares instantly.   
Nightmares of Glenn’s death. Nightmares of Daryl’s death.   
Each time he had been startled up from his sleep, it had been with a suppressed scream and tears streaming down his cheeks just like the other night. Only this time his partner hadn’t been there to hug him tight, whisper reassuring words to him and drive the fears away.  
This time he was alone. Daryl was somewhere out there – maybe still at the Hilltop and maybe somewhere in the woods, there was no way of telling. The uncertainty whether his lover was safe or the Saviors had caught him after all was driving Rick insane.   
He understood why Daryl left the Kingdom and rather stayed at the Hilltop or anywhere out there in the wilderness, but he would have liked to have him right here by his side, so he would know Daryl was unharmed and still among the living.   
During the previous hours he had relived Glenn’s death over and over, the same horrible moment in an endless re-run. And then it had melted into another scene in which Daryl had taken Glenn’s place and Rick had to watch Lucille come crashing down onto his lover’s head until there was nothing left but a bloody mass. 

New tears sprung to his eyes instantly. How did Maggie bear the memory of Glenn’s death? How was she able to stay sane and make it through the day with those pictures in the back of her mind? How was she able to smile and say “I’m alright” and not blame her husband’s death on either him or Daryl?   
He had failed his people, her first of all. He had promised to take her to the Hilltop safely and she had placed her trust in him to keep that promise. In the end two of his family were dead and it was Sasha taking her to safety, while he, the leader of their group, had stayed behind as a weak, crying, powerless picture of misery. How could Maggie be so strong after losing the love of her life, while he himself felt drained of his strength once again to the mere thought of anything happening to Daryl? Or Judith and Carl. _Anyone_ of the people he loved. 

         _“Pull yourself together, Grimes”,_ he chided himself. 

He got up and stretched his aching back and cramped up shoulders while he looked out of the bedroom window into the darkness beyond.

For a split second he had to fight the urge to head down to the family room and look for something – anything – that would numb the fear and soothe his strained nerves. Didn’t they still have a bottle of whiskey hid behind the books on the shelf?   
The impulse was gone as quickly as it had come.   
He had assigned teams, scheduled to head out in all four directions today to look for the weapons and allies they still needed to find, and he’d be damned if he risked his own mission by getting drunk at the break of dawn. He had to stay alert and focussed and needed something that woke him up rather than made him even more tired. They had to be successful, had to find what they were looking for – for Daryl, for his family, for the people of all the communities.   
He rubbed his hands over his face and on feeling the stubbles on his chin he headed straight into the adjoining bathroom to washed up and get dressed as quickly as only possible. There was no time to lose. The sun would come up soon and they would have to head far out to have a chance on finding new places they hadn’t searched yet, so they had better get started.

         _We sleep when we’re dead._

Rick shuddered as that saying crossed his mind. Whoever had once said a thing like that sure had a weird sense of humor. 

He headed across the corridor and quietly opened a door to one of the other rooms. Cautiously he peeked in and then tiptoed over to the crib that was standing pushed up to the right-hand wall.   
Little Judith was still fast asleep and lay in her bed with her thumb tucked in her mouth and the plushie in her arm that Daryl had gotten for her the day she was born.   
With a loving smile on his face Rick reached out and ran his hand tenderly over the girl’s soft curls. She gave a whimper when the touch brought her to the brink of waking and her eyelids fluttered. 

         “Ssssh”, he tried to soothe her, “go back to sleep, Li’l Asskicker.”

He had never called Judith that before. That was Daryl’s petname for her and till this very day Rick still had to laugh about it, finding it hard to accept it as a suitable name for his daughter. But in right that moment he came to realize that he loved it nevertheless. It reminded him of the day Judith became a part of their life.   
Lori’s death had long since stopped to hurt him as much as it did then. She was still on his mind and he would always care, but him and her – that seemed to have been such a long time ago.  
But on that day back then Daryl had been able to show how much love and devotion he was capable of when he had gone out of his way to save Judy’s life and had given her a name. It was special and right now Rick just _had_ to use it – maybe because he was saying good-bye to the little girl for both of them. 

         “Dad?” 

Carl’s whisper behind him had Rick turn around. Still in his PJs the boy was standing in the doorway, the parent unit of their baby phone in his hand and casting his father a questioning look. 

         “Is Judy alright?”

         “Yes. Sorry for waking you.”

Carl shrugged.

         “That’s alright. I don’t sleep too well lately anyhow.”

Rick cast him a concerned glance.   
It didn’t really come as a surprise that others, too, had problems to sleep well after what they all had already been through, but he had hoped his teenage son would be spared nightmares and worries.   
He sighed.  
A fool’s hope. The wish of a parent who would want their child to be happy, carefree and safe, but after all the things Carl had to witness and do already, how could Rick fool himself thinking it wouldn’t affect the boy in any way?   
The only people sleeping soundly these days were probably the Saviors. Sometimes he thought not having a conscience or a heart at all would make living in a world like this so much easier. 

         “You’re leaving early”, Carl’s voice pulled him out of his dark thoughts. 

         “We gotta head far out. Been searching the proximity thoroughly and there’s nothing left there, so I suppose the teams will be gone till tomorrow or even the day after. No sense in wasting more time.”

         “Rosita is gonna be glad to hear that. She’s been chafing at the bit for days now.”

Rick couldn’t help pulling a face.

         “I know. She and Tara are probabyl already out there, so I’m gonna wake Michonne now and get going, too. Take good care of Judy.”

         “I will, but I’d prefer to go with you.”

Rick walked up to his son and places his hands gently on the boy’s shoulders.

         “Carl, I’m not leaving you behind because I think you couldn’t handle things out there, you know that. You’re not a kid anymore, but … right now I just have enough things to worry about as it is, too many lives to fear for … It’d make me feel better to know you’re here and Judith is taken care of.”

The teenager pressed his lips together and gave a curt nod. He had the answer on the tip of his tongue that being here hadn’t saved Spencer and Olivia from getting killed or Aaron from getting beaten up or Gabriel from getting kidnapped, but he kept quiet. His father knew all that, knew that there was no guaranteed safety anywhere, but if he considered Alexandria to be the lesser evil, Carl would stay put. Rick needed to be focussed out there and not be distracted by worries about his son’s safety. He had to come back unharmed. He had to come back _at all._

Rick gave the small shoulders of the boy a hearty squeeze and flashed him a smile, before looking over his shoulder to the crib one last time. Then he left the room to get the mission started. 

 

In the Hilltop Daryl was pacing like a caged big cat.   
He was sure that his had been the longest night of his life – save perhaps for the one on that clearing in the woods, when Negan had had them in that line-up. Having to watch Glenn getting killed must have been one of the worst moments of his life – worse even than finding Merle dead – but it equalled to the fear he had felt when Negan had grabbed Rick’s hatchet and had dragged the leader into the RV and just left with him to an unknown destination, to an unknown fate.   
It had felt like hours back then – and maybe it had been – while they’d been kneeling on that clearing in the cold and dark night, next to their killed friends, waiting for Negan to return with Rick and all the while dreading what that bastard might have done to him.   
Daryl would never forget all the horrible scenarios that had been playing out in his mind while they had waited, and his immense relief when Negan had brought his friend back alive. He’d been quick to add ‘unharmed’ when he saw no visible injuries on Rick’s body, but the haunted and empty look in his eyes accompanied by tears had Daryl dismiss the thought that Rick was ‘unharmed’. In fact, chopping off a finger or two with that hatchet may have been less damage than what Negan had in fact inflicted on the leader back then.

And Rick was out there now, ready to go on a mission to find weapons and more people to start a war. For Daryl’s sake, for all of their sake, while the archer was condemned to inactivity, confined here in this Hicksville.   
Some time during the previous night he had made up his mind to head back to Alexandria with the first ray and ever since then he’d been waiting for that ray, pacing and cursing under his breath. He should never have let Rick leave. Or rather, he should have gone with him to make sure he was safe. He and Judith and Carl. Screw the Saviors and their threat to kill Daryl.   
There was no safety for him anywhere. Not in the Kingdom, not in the Hilltop or anywhere out there in the woods, so he could just as well be at home with his family for as long as only possible. It didn’t make any difference as far as his safety was concerned, but it made a difference as far as his peace of mind was concerned. He was sick of hiding, sick of running – he wanted to fight back and make sure Rick was alright. That was the priority.  

He had his gear packed and the bike ready and parked right in front of the gate, but he’d be crazy to head out there while it was still dark. He needed to see what was ahead – whether it was Saviors or a herd of walkers. If he ran straight into either one this would be a short offensive. 

         “Daryl.”

Maggie’s voice while she approached him had him stop pacing and cast her a dark look. He’d been waiting for that. Someone to notice what he was up to. Someone who was going to reason with him and try to stop him. Waste of time.

         “I ain’t stayin’, so save yer breath.” 

         “I know”, she said softly, before stopping right in front of him.

She held a brown paper bag out to him and cast him a smile.

         “You didn’t eat anything last night. And I bet you haven’t had breakfast, either, so take it. Just something for the road.”

He hesitated. His stomach was still in knots and he had no intention to eat anything till the moment he reached Alexandria and knew that Rick and the kids were alright, but despite being a Dixon he knew about manners, so he accepted the bag with a thankful nod. 

         “Take this, too”, Maggie added and held a gun out to him.

         “Nah, thanks. Keep it. Got ma crossbow and knife.”

         “Just take it.” She breathed in deep and then added in a choked-up voice: “It was Glenn’s. If you plan to head out there, you might need a gun and I want you to have it. _He_ would want you to have it. And don’t you dare argue with me about it now.” 

With a lump in his throat Daryl hesitatingly reached for the gun and took it out of her hand. Why did she do that? Why did she have to do that?  
One of these days this gun might save his life, which was more than ironic. Glenn’s gun, _Glenn_ would be saving his life after Daryl got his friend killed. Did Maggie even realize what she was putting him through right now? 

The next moment she pulled him into a hug and gave him a hearty squeeze.

         “Be safe. And give my love to the others.”

That said she turned on her heels and headed back to her trailer, while he watched her walking away with a violently beating heart. When she had disappeared from his sight, he reluctantly tucked the gun in the back of his waistband and breathed in deep. 

         _All things happen for a reason._

He didn’t know who once said that and for the larger part of his life he had considered this to be utter bullshit. But maybe there was in fact something to it. It might have been hard to see what sense there was in an apocalypse, but as far as he was concerned nothing better had ever happened to him.   
Without the apocalypse he would never have had people in his life who cared and appreciated him, let alone loved him. So who was he to question things?

The sky grew lighter and showed hues of red, orange and yellow while Daryl mounted his bike. He gave Kal the signal to open the gate and a moment later he was out on the road headed for Alexandria.

         _All things happen for a reason._

He had no way of knowing it at that moment, but the war would start sooner than expected and not too far into the future, when the communities were engaged in battle against the Saviors, he would save Maggie’s life with the very same gun she had just given to him.  Glenn’s gun.  Whether he was responsible or not, Glenn couldn’t be saved, but he would live on – in his son, in the memories of his wife. Thanks to Daryl.

 

Rick approached Michonne’s room the moment the first shy sunrays lit up the sky and announced the breaking of a new day. It was time.   
Only a minute ago he had watched Tara and Rosita get into a car out front and drive to the gate. Team No. 1, scheduled to head to the East, was on its way, while Michonne didn’t even seem to be up yet.   
This was unusual. She knew how important this mission was and she was reliable and generally one of the first to be up, so when Rick stood in front of her door now, a hand raised to knock, he was slightly worried.   
A moan from inside confirmed his assumption that something was wrong and without bothering to knock he opened the door and walked in. Was she ill? Was she injured? What happened?  
There was an eerie twilight in the room and it took a moment until his eyes had adjusted, but when he could make out the figure in the bed his worry increased.   
There was a thin layer of sweat on Michonne’s forehead and she was squirming, now and then giving a soft moan. A nightmare. That’s what it had to be. No one was spared them these days – they had all been through too much. 

         “Michonne!” he whispered while he approached the bed. 

He didn’t mean to startle her, but if she was having a nightmare he had best wake her up and pull her out of whatever torture she was going through. He lowered himself to the edge of the bed beside her and reached out to gently shake her shoulder, when he suddenly froze.   
She was _smiling._ Smiling in her sleep, which was odd for someone having a nightmare. The next moment her back arched and she gasped: “Rick!”

Rick’s eyes widened and he pulled his hand back as though he’d been electrified. He was old enough to know what kind of dream she was having and apparently he was one of the protagonists in it. What the heck was going on here?  
Maybe he should have felt flattered or amused, but all he truly felt at that moment was annoyance. She had no right …  
          
         “Michonne!”

He called her louder than he had intended and gave her a nudge to the side. The stirring and smiling stopped as she started to wake, but the moment she opened her eyes and looked straight into his the smile was back.

         “Hey”, she said softly and reached out her hand to touch his face, but the way he avoided the touch, got up quickly and took a step away from the bed had the smile turn into a frown. 

         “Morning”, he said flatly. “We’re running late. Sun’s coming up already.” 

At a blow she was being pulled back into the here and now and when reality caught up to her she blushed violently. A dream. It had just been a dream. Had she been talking in her sleep again? She knew that she did at times – her ex had teased her about it often enough, but as long as her dreams had included him he had thought it to be quite a compliment. More often than not it had even turned him on.   
Michonne doubted that it would have the same effect on Rick just now. Did he know? What had she done? What had she said?   
She looked into this blue eyes and felt a terrible pang of regret. Damn, why had this been just a dream? Why had she never realized just how gorgeous he was, that being with him might be exactly what she wanted? Despite her heart racing she wasn’t sure if it was love she felt for him or if there was no more behind that dream than the simple fact that it had been way too long since she got laid last. Did it matter? He was standing there now, lean and handsome with those adorable curls, the gorgeous blue eyes and the long, elegant fingers that had touched her so gently.

         _“Stop it!”_ she secretly chided herself. 

Her entire body still tingled to the sensation of her dream lover’s touch, of the way she had felt him inside, his kisses, his hands caressing her skin …

         _“Will you stop it already!”_

Michonne breathed in deep and sat up, rubbing her hands over her face.

         “Sorry. You should have woken me earlier”, she said with a hoarse voice. “Gimme five.”

         “I’ll even give you ten”, he replied with a frown. “Tara and Rosita already left, but I wouldn’t know about the others. Gonna check on them. Be ready when I get back.”

         “You got it.”

He cast her another probing glance, wondering whether or not there was need for talk, but in the end he decided to let it pass uncommented. For now. They had far more important things to think of.   
With a curt nod he turned on his heels and left the room. 

Half an hour later their van had passed the gate and they were headed west. 

 

After Rick had left Michonne’s bedroom, he had tried to just dismiss the previous incident, but it was harder to ignore than he had thought. Maybe it was nothing. Nobody had influence on the things they dreamed about and more often than not it was weird stuff that came out of nowhere and made little to no sense.   
And sometimes it was a message, the subconscious mind displaying desires and wishes the person may not even be aware of. Sooner or later he’d find out which it was and if it was the latter, there would be need for talk then.

He had headed over to Aaron and Eric’s and had found them ready to leave on their search mission up north, while team No. 4 – Tobin, Francine and Scott – were still packing their gear to go south. All four directions were covered and it would have been an immense stroke of bad luck if no one came across _anything._ Rick didn’t even want to consider that option. They had to be successful. By the time the sun was rising over the horizon all four teams were on their way.

 

They had driven for an hour in silence, Michonne clutching the steering wheel in an iron grasp and her eyes focussed firmly on the road ahead as though she had to deal with rush hour traffic. Rick looked outside the passenger side window lost deep in thought.   
There wasn’t much to see really. The road was empty – nothing was blocking it save for an occasional deserted car, and not even too many walkers crossed their path. 

         “As of now we’ll check every house we pass on the way”, he said unexpectantly, making her flinch when his voice disturbed the previous silence.

         “Okay.” 

After that there was silence again. They didn’t know what to talk about. Whether to talk about _it_ or just ignore it. The situation was awkward and trying to make light, meaningless conversation may even have increased the awkwardness instead of helping the matter. So they kept quiet.  
They passed several small towns on their way, no more than about a dozen buildings each, as well as a handfull of single houses and a farm. Each time they stopped and searched the places thoroughly, but by noon all they had come upon were three guns, one rifle and seven cans of food. Rick’s frustration grew with each passing hour.

         “Damn”, he cursed when again they had searched a house and came up empty. 

Not a single gun, no ammo, no food. If things continued like that, they would return home with nothing and that couldn’t happen. It just couldn’t.

         “I found this”, Michonne said with a smile, a colorfully painted box in her hand. 

She turned a small handle on the side and her grin even widened when a jack-in-the-box came out a second later. The next moment Rick snatched the item from her hand and tossed it forcefully at the nearest wall, having it break instantly and the pieces raining down onto the floor.

         “Are you nuts?” Michonne snapped at him.

         “Do you think this is a fun trip?” he shot back. “We’re not out here to find any stupid toys – we need those weapons!”

         “I _know_ that, Goddamnit. But despite you treating me like the wicked witch ever since this morning, I can’t conjure them up. We’ll keep looking. We’ll find them. But there’s no harm in a smile, Rick.”  
She looked at the broken jack-in-the-box.  
         “Judy would have liked it, you know.”

That said she turned around and left the room.

She was waiting for him in the car when he came out of the house, a guilty air on his face. He had clearly overreacted and an apology was the least he owed her now. She had meant well. And she was right, too – about the smile as well as Judith liking that toy. Stupid of him to destroy it like that.   
He lowered himself into the passenger seat and cast her a glance from the side.

         “I’m sorry.”

Out of the corner of her eyes she noticed that he held something out to her and when she looked up, she saw that it was a rose he must have gotten from the former owner’s backyard. 

         “How romantic”, she teased.

         “Just a peace offering”, he replied gently.

She turned around to him and looked him straight in the eyes. For a moment they were both undecided whether or not this was the moment to talk about her dream. _If_ they should talk about it at all or best forget about it. In the end Michonne decided that it should be her call whether or not it was important enough to talk to him about, but right now it was _not_ the right moment. Half of the day was over and they had nothing. There was neither the time nor the patience for heart-to-heart conversations now.  
She accepted the flower and smelled on it before looking up again.

         “It’s pretty, thanks. Do I get that smile along with it now?” she asked, casting him a smile of her own.

The corners of his mouth twitched and when he noticed the amused sparkle in her eyes, it even widened. She couldn’t help chuckling.

         “Does it hurt a lot?” she teased.

         “Not as much as I thought.” He held her look for a moment before nodding toward the road. “We should get going.”

         “Yes, sir”, Michonne replied and turning back around shifted gears to head back out onto the street. 

They never noticed the lone figure between a group of trees nearby that watched them with narrow blue eyes and a violently throbbing heart. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was way into the afternoon when Rick and Michonne decided to take a break and have something to eat.    
They had checked several more places on their way while they had headed further and further out, but hadn’t found anything of use. At one point Michonne had dared suggest for them to head back, but Rick wouldn’t have any of it. It had dawned on her in that moment that he had never intended to return to Alexandria the same day. Deep down inside he had known that this would take longer, that they had to go a long way to have a chance of success – she just wished he had filled her in. 

While they were having their meal she watched him out of the corners of her eye. Time and again his eyes drooped and threatened to fall shut, while he suppressed a yawn. 

         “Didn’t sleep too well?” she asked cautiously.

         “No. Not for a long time.” He sighed heavily. “I keep thinking about what we lost. Places we called home, people we loved … Family. Friends.”    
He dipped his head.    
“Glenn … He saved me right at the start back in Atlanta, but I couldn’t save him. And now the Saviors are after Daryl. I’m just scared – scared that I won’t be able to save him, either.”

“Daryl can take care of himself”, Michonne offered, but the glance he cast her had her fall quiet.

“So could Glenn. – I just can’t lose anyone else ...”

He didn’t say it, but she thought she heard the words “especially not Daryl” in the way the sentence hung in the air. She pressed her lips together for a moment, then she said:

         “Take a nap, Rick. I’m gonna keep watch.”

         “No, we gotta move on and …”

         “Rick!” Her inflection was clearly peppered with annoyance now. “You’re of no use if you’re falling asleep standing up. Take a nap already. You need it. I’ll wake you in half an hour.”

         “Half an hour, no longer.”

         “Promise.”

He acknowledged that with a nod and then let himself sink onto the ground. He tucked one arm underneath his head and breathed in deep a few times to calm down.    
Just half an hour. No longer. Then they would keep on looking. Just a little nap to gather some strength, so he was able to proceed with the mission. Find weapons. Find people and food. Save Daryl. Save all of them. Win.   
The words were almost a mantra, lulling him to sleep and his eyes dropped close almost instantly. On the verge of consciousness he felt a stray curl fall into his forehead and tickle him, but he didn’t bother to push it out of his face.   
The next second he felt soft, warm fingers lift that strand of hair and then run gently over his head. In a reflex he reached up and caught Michonne’s hand.

         “Don’t”, was all he said, while she just shrugged.

         “It was tickling you. I just meant to …”

         “Just don’t”, he said again, casting her a stern glance. “I think we should talk – later.”

She just looked at him quietly for a moment, then she nodded hesitatingly. 

         “Maybe we should. Later.”

Rick closed his eyes again and despite the incident just now he was fast asleep in seconds. 

 

Michonne listened to the soft and even breathing of the man next to her and couldn’t help casting him a glance every now and again. 

What the heck was going on? They had been friends for so long, but it had never crossed her mind to go for more. She cared a great deal for him and she loved his children, but she had never dared getting too close, had been too afraid to risk losing his friendship. He had mourned Lori for a long time and Michonne never had the impression that he was ready for a new love, even after he had taken off his wedding ring. He had never given her any signals, never made a pass on her, never encouraged her in any way, so she had kept her distance.    
If the thought of having more with him than just a friendship had ever crossed her mind, it had been dismissed again. She had figured he’d let her know, if he was ready. The time just never seemed right.   
And then, three days ago, things had changed. Although Daryl may have been safe at the Kingdom for the time being, Rick had headed over there right after the Saviors had voiced their threat against the archer’s life.    
Rick had brought him back to Alexandria with him that night and they had left together at the break of dawn headed back to the Kingdom. As for the hours in between … she wasn’t a fool.    
Although it wasn’t her habit and had never been her intention to be nosey, she couldn’t help noticing them heading upstairs together and there weren’t too many places up there Daryl could have stayed. Surely he wouldn’t sleep in Carl’s room or the nursery, so him having been with Rick was likely.    
That alone was no proof for anything, so she had told herself. When they had been out on the road after the prison fell or during runs, those two had made it a habit to sleep back to back – for safety reasons and because they both slept better knowing their friend would have their back. This could have been the only reason for Daryl to stay in Rick’s room that night, so she had told herself.    
She had heard them come down the stairs at the break of dawn and when she had looked out of a window to see what was going on, she had watched them stand in front of the car for a moment, looking deep into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Still, no reason to grow suspicous – they’ve always been like that around each other. That was their way of communicating, so she had told herself.    
When she had watched them tenderly peck the other man’s lips, fingers entwined in each other’s hair, _that_ was when she knew things had changed. 

Could it really be? They, too, had been friends for a long time – _just_ friends. They’d been close for as long as she knew them, but _this_? Rick was straight, right? How could he possibly consider … At what point did she miss the signal? When had she failed to notice that he was open for a new relationship?   
It could have been her. It _should_ have been her. And maybe it wasn’t too late. She had no idea what exactly it was that was between those two, but maybe she was reading too much into things. Maybe what happened that night was nothing … at least nothing _serious_. They were both guys in their primes and they both had no one at the time. Maybe they just needed a lay with whoever was willing and available and after that, they might just go back to being no more than friends and laugh about what happened between them that one time. Nothing to it.    
But if Rick was on the look-out, she’d be damned if she let that chance slip through her fingers. 

A movement between the trees derailed her train of thought and had her tense up immediately. She reached for her catana, but the next moment let out her breath in a sigh of relief – a deer. No more. It was just a harmless deer standing only few yards away from her and eyeing her curiously. Apparently it had never seen a human being before and wasn’t afraid, didn’t see her as a threat. Yet.   
Michonne slowly and cautiously moved her hands towards her waistline, not letting the deer out of sight once. It was beautiful. A perfectly graceful and heartwarmingly peaceful creature, but it was food all the same. And if there was anything they were in need of these days, it was food.    
Her fingers started fumbling along her waistband and she cursed under her breath. The gun. She had left her gun in the car when they had parked for their lunch break. How entirely stupid! How could a mistake like that even happen to her?    
She mentally slapped her face as she slowly and cautiously raised, planning to try and get her gun before the deer ran off. She had to. This just was too big a roast to let get away due to her …

An incredibly fast and small object soundlessly whizzed by her the next second and hit the deer right between the eyes. It was dead instantly and dropped to the ground with a thud. Michonne had almost been able to feel the object’s draft and the suddenness of the attack took her totally by surprise.    
With a suppressed shriek she ducked instinctively, before the thought crossed her mind that Rick was entirely defenseless at the moment. A determined air on her face she straightened up and whirled around on her heels, drawing her catana. 

A second later her eyes widened as she watched Daryl appear from behind a group of trees and walk towards her. He was carrying the crossbow he had just shot the deer with and looked at her with his usual deadpan. 

         “Are you crazy?” she hissed at him furiously. “You could’ve hit me there.” 

         “Could’ve”, he simply replied while casting her a piercing look. “Yer lucky ‘twas just a deer ‘n’ no Saviors or assholes like the Claimers. Next time yer on watch, best bring a gun.” 

There was clearly an offensive tinge to his inflection and Michonne’s expression darkened.    
She wasn’t used to someone telling her what to do and she didn’t appreciate it at all. But most of all she was ashamed, because he was right. She was poorly prepared and had been distracted and if they’d been attacked, there wouldn’t have been a thing she could have done to protect Rick and herself. What the heck was the matter with her today? She knew better than that. 

Before she could answer to Daryl’s accusations, Rick stirring and waking up drew the attention of both of them. 

Daryl breathed in deep and tried to still his racing heartbeat.    
He knew he was right just now – Michonne and Rick had been totally exposed on this clearing and Rick was asleep and defenseless. How could she be so stupid to stand sentry without a gun on her? This wasn’t like the Michonne he used to know. The one he had gone on runs and hunting trips with back at the prison. But then – maybe she wasn’t that person anymore.    
He had barely recognized himself just now when he had snapped at her. He of all people should refrain from blaming someone for a mistake, but he couldn’t help himself. This hadn’t been like him at all, either. But then, maybe he had changed, too.

Daryl had a hunch why Michonne had been distracted – not just now, but all day long in fact. He had been there, had watched them and he _knew_.    
He had seen Rick come out of one of the houses they had searched, a rose in his hand that he had given to her with a smile on his face. He had watched her run her fingers through his friend’s hair and the way Rick had reached for her hand and had held on. What exactly had been going on between those two inside the houses when he hadn’t been able to see them, he could only guess, but he had a good imagination.    
The archer pressed his lips together and fought for his composure.    
What he was feeling right now was a new, an entirely alien and disturbing feeling and he was unable to control it. He had never felt it before and could totally have done without it, for it hurt even more than love did. It was a weird and disturbing mixture of rage and desperation, sadness and hate, aggression and powerlessness, and he didn’t know what to do with it. How to handle it.    
But for the first time he thought he understood just what it was that had Shane do what he did back then. Shane had loved Lori with all his heart – and someone had tried to take her away from him. It didn’t matter that this someone had had every right to, because Lori was his to begin with. Shane just wanted to keep her in his life, keep her to himself and Rick had been in the way, had tried to destroy what they had had.    
Daryl still did in no way appreciate what Shane had done, but he got it now.   
Just a moment ago, when he had aimed at the deer, his hands had started to shake for a second. It would have been so easy and quick. Just a tiny little bit to the left and he would have hit, too. Just not the deer.    
This must have been jealousy, the green-eyed monster, and it was far stronger than reason. It was able to turn even a heart of gold into an ugly, black rock. 

         “What’s going on?”

Rick squinted against the sunlight and looked up at Michonne, who seemed to have frozen. He was still tired and felt numb while he struggled to his feet with sluggish motions. The moment he became aware of someone else there with them, a rush of adrenalin had him wide awake and alert in a split second. In the first impulse he reached for his gun when he recogized the man in front of him and his heart made a leap of joy. 

         “Daryl!”   

He took a step toward the archer and meant to pull him into a hug, but the defensive expression on Daryl’s face as well as the archer taking a step back had him freeze. Then an understanding smile spread over his face.   
Of course, the ‘no mushy scenes in public’ rule, although according to Daryl’s own definition hugs weren’t to be considered ‘mushy’. But they had an agreement that at this point no one was to know about their relationship, that they would tell them later – maybe not even before the war was over – and with Michonne there with them now Rick had to keep his distance.    
He couldn’t help sighing.    
Stupid rule. Stupid agreement. They were friends first of all, so a simple hug should leave this utmost secrecy unaffected. 

         “I’m glad you’re here”, Rick said gently, still smiling at the archer. “How did you find us out here?”

         “Didn’t. Been followin’ ya all day long – ya shoulda looked over yer shoulder like I told ya to. But … ya ‘s payin’ attention ta other _things_ , I guess.”

The younger man’s smile crumbled and he exchanged a confused look with Michonne.

         “You’ve been _following_ us?” she asked, her expression growing visibly darker. “You mean ever since we left Alexandria you’ve been _watching_ us instead of giving us a hand here?”

A dangerous glow lit up his narrow cat eyes as he and Michonne tried to stare each other down.

         “Nah, not since Alexandria”, he said grumpily. “Missed ya by ‘bout an hour when I got there this mornin’, but they pointed me in the right direction and ‘twasn’t hard pickin’ up yer trail. Yer drivin’ like a woman possessed, case ya didn’t know, leavin’ fresh brakin’ marks and a cloud a’ gas in the air all over the place. A kid Jude’s age coulda followed ya guys.”

         “Huh”, her eyes narrowed, too. “Still doesn’t explain why the heck you did – follow us, I mean.”

         “Cause someone hadda keep an eye on ya out here. Ya been actin’ like a bunch a’ scouts on their first field trip all day long.”

         “That’s not true”, she snapped.

         “Yeah? The blue house in Redding – the one-story one with the flowers on the mailbox.”

         “What about it?”

         “Ya just burst through the front door without checkin’ first if there ‘s walkers in there.”

She put her hands to her hips and looked at him challengingly.

         “There weren’t any. The only one in there at all was in the front room and it was already dead, hanging halfway out of the window.”

         “Huh. So ya shoulda seen it hangin’ out when ya came onto the front porch, right?”

Her eyebrows rose to her hairline. He had a point there – how could she have    
missed …

         “ _I_ put it down”, Daryl’s voice derailed her train of thought. “Saw it through the window and shot it while ya was marchin’ in there as though ya earn the fuckin’ place.” 

Rick looked at the black woman standing next to him and frowned. He had had the impression that Michonne was a little out of sorts today, but he had no idea just how bad it was. 

         “Don’t have ta look at her like that”, Daryl drew Rick’s attention. “Ya ‘s little better. There ’s a walker right behind ya when ya ‘s tryin’ ta open that garage in Midfield. Ya never heard it, never saw it – didn’t even notice it when it went down right behind ya after I shot it.”

Rick saw the unspoken _“I coulda lost ya”_ in the way Daryl’s eyes became shiny, before the archer breathed in deep to compose himself and shrugged.

         “Thought I had best stay behind and have yer backs, since ya seem ta be a little _distracted_ today.”

Michonne’s expression became defensive once again.

         “Yeah, thanks, hotshot. So we each missed a walker. Guess that never happened to you before.”

         “Ya missed more than that”, Daryl snapped.

         “Like what?”

         “A guy on a bike followin’ ya all day long, for example”, Daryl shot back. “Good thing I’m on yer side. Coulda killed ya dozens of times over.” 

With an angry snort she crossed her arms before her chest and cast him a killer scowl. She was good at what she did, he knew that. What was he trying to do, pointing out the mistakes they’d made, _if_ any of this was even true? He had never been one to brag, so why was he doing it now? Did he feel threatened by her? Did he see the need to cast a slur at her in order to get Rick’s attention and admiration? Did he try to be the hero who saved the day, so Rick would see that he couldn’t do without him? 

         “Thank you.” Rick’s voice ended her train of thought and had her look at the leader with wide eyes. 

He was reaching out and giving Daryl’s shoulder a squeeze. 

         “Guess I should’ve listened to you and look over my shoulder more often.”

This had a smile tug at the corners of the archer’s mouth.

         “Wouldn’t ‘ve hurt.”

         “Ah, come on, Rick”, Michonne cut in. “He took out _two_ walkers. We put down dozens ourselves, so I guess we did a pretty good job.”

         “D’ya find any guns?” Daryl asked, casting her a look that was impossible to read.

         “Not as many as we were hoping to”, Rick answered in her stead. “Seven guns, one rifle, two boxes of ammo, couple of knives. That’s it.”

         “Huh.”

Wordlessly Daryl let the backpack he was carrying slide off his shoulder and put it on the ground before Rick’s feet. He gave him a prompting nod and watched as the leader crouched down to open the bag. The next second Rick gasped.   
It was filled with guns, ammo and even grenades to the brim. 

         “Got two rifles and three machine guns on the bike”, Daryl added matter-of-factly. 

         “Where did you find all that?” Rick asked with wide eyes.

         “The farm. While ya was in the house I took a look at the outbuildings. The farmer ‘s in the barn along with this arsenal. Shot himself and left all the goodies here behind. Just hadda pick ‘em up.”

         “Thank you, Lord”, Michonne said sarcastically, “what would we ever do without Daryl Dixon?” 

That said she turned around on her heels and stomped off towards the van and disappeared behind it the next moment. She definitely needed some time out.

Rick watched her leave with a surprised frown, before turning back to his partner and flashing him a smile.

         “I agree”, he said gently, “what would we ever do without Daryl Dixon?” 

Now with Michonne out of sight he didn’t see a reason not to hug his friend and pulled him into his arms. 

         “I’ve missed you.”

Daryl swallowed hard against a lump in his throat. He wanted to believe Rick so badly, but this nagging, uneasy, cold feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn’t leave.   
How would Rick even had the time to miss him? Had he even spared a single thought on him all day? Apparently he had been occupied otherwise, playing Knight of the Rose with Michonne. Why didn’t he just get it over with and tell him? Tell him that he wanted to go back to how they’d been before, at best, but that him and Daryl … that it just didn’t work for him. Because compared to the beauties and charms of a woman, what did the archer have to offer?  
Michonne was smart, she had education, she was beautiful, she was strong and a good fighter, she could even be a leader and Rick’s kids loved her. _He_ was just Daryl.  
Even if he were a woman, he would probably suck in comparision and so far Rick had only been interested in the female half of the species. Since Daryl not even had boobs to offer, how could he possibly win against someone like Michonne? 

Had he really been bragging just now? Had he really tried to make her look bad in a childish and pathetic attempt to earn points? He hadn’t made anything up – they _had_ missed those walkers and he probably saved their lives, but he had done that countless times over the years and never said a word about it. It’s what they all did for each other. There was no need to keep the score.    
So they hadn’t bothered to check the barn. One wouldn’t expect to find a load of guns in a barn, so under normal circumstances he might not have bothered, either. Only because those two had searching the farmhouse covered, checking the other buildings had even crossed his mind. It had been mere luck that the farmer and his arsenal had been in there, no more. Yet he had made it sound like a sixth sense just now, which wasn’t like him at all.    
He felt helpless, didn’t know what to do. If only it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

         “Missed ya, too”, Daryl whispered back, while he wrapped his arms around Rick and hugged him close.

If a hug was all he was going to get from now on, well, that was _something_. It was being close to Rick, it was a loving gesture and even if Rick couldn’t love him _that_ way despite him telling Daryl that he did only yesterday, then he’d take what was offered and try not to stand in the way. If Rick wanted Michonne and not him, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Rick’s happiness was the priority.    
He had known all along that it was unlikely to last. Those higher forces obviously had noticed their mistake and were about to put him back in his place. If only it had lasted a little longer. Longer than three wonderful days in which he’d been happier than in all the decades before. 

Rick felt a shudder run throught the body he held close and pulled back to look Daryl in the eyes, but the archer wouldn’t return his look.

         “Are you alright?”

Daryl would have liked to confirm that, even if it was a lie, but his throat had closed up and he was fighting back tears. No way he could break down and let Rick see  him cry on top of acting like a brat before. 

         “Did something happen?” There was anxiety in the younger man’s inflection. “Is everyone alright back home? Carl? Judith?”

         “They’re fine.” On hearing the fear in Rick’s voice, the archer had instantly been able to push his own sorrow aside and get a grip. “Nothin’ ta worry ‘bout, Rick, save for the asshole with the bat. Best get goin’. Them guns still ain’t nearly enough.”

         “But a huge step into the right direction”, Rick smiled at him. “Thanks to you.” 

         “Beginner’s luck”, Daryl shrugged, before taking a step back from Rick. “Let’s load that deer into the van. And all a’ ‘em weapons, too. Best keep ‘em outta sight. – ‘m gonna get ma bike.” 

That said he turned around and disappeared into the woods.    
As soon as he was out of sight Michonne came out from where she had waited behind the van and approached Rick with large steps.    
She was still furious about the way Daryl had made them look like a pair of kids lost at the mall, but if only half of what he had said was true, he had saved at least one of their lives today. And maybe it was the gospel truth and they both owed him their life, so she was willing to dismiss the way he had just giving them a dressing-down.    
         Despite herself, she couldn’t help peeking through the windows of the driver’s cap and watch the two men while they were talking to each other. All she had seen was a hug, no more. If Daryl was telling the truth, he could have lost Rick today. Surely a lover would have done more than just hug their partner, but there was no kiss, no holding hands, nothing that indicated that those two were more than just friends. 

Before she could decide what to do next with this conclusion, Rick’s voice ended her train of thought.

         “Daryl’s getting his bike. Help me load up the deer and the backpack with the weapons, will you?”

         “Sure.”

The deer was heavier than it looked. How could a slim, graceful animal be such a load? They both had to smile simultaneously to the thought of a delicious deer stew and could barely refrain from drooling.    
The moment they had placed the backpack next to the deer in back of the van, the sound of an approaching bike had them look up. Daryl dismounted and came walking towards them with the machine guns and rifles on his arms, placing them next to the rest of their haul before slamming the doors shut.

They stood in front of the car undecided for a moment.

         “Ya wanna head further out?” the archer addressed the younger man and Rick nodded.

         “We have to. These guns will help, but we need more.”

Daryl just shrugged.

         “Whatever ya say, man.” 

He mounted his bike and then turned around to his two companions, casting them a questioning look.

         “Ya need a written invitation? C’mon, vamanos – we’re gonna lose the light.” 

         “I’ll drive”, Rick announced matter-of-factly. 

Wordlessly Michonne just gave a curt nod and got in on the passenger side.  
A moment later they were out on the road with Daryl driving up front and the van following close behind.   
 


	3. Chapter 3

The two people in the car drove in silence. One could have heard a pin drop, if the engine of the old van hadn’t made as much noise as it did.   
Rick looked out through the windshield and watched the biker in front of them with a sparkle in his eyes that Michonne hadn’t seen there once ever since this mission had started. She would have been blind not to notice the smile that was playing around his lips and the way he sat up straight and not slumped in his seat like before. All his earlier fatigue seemed to have evaporated and he was filled with new energy, new determination and if happiness was visable, he would probably have glowed from within.   
This wasn’t all too surprising though. Daryl had always had that effect on him – seemed to have been a source of strength and confidence for as long as she knew the two men. And Rick had every reason to be happy – they had a load of weapons and dinner in the back of the van, and from the looks of it they’d also been in dire need of the cavalry and as usual Daryl had been there right in time.   
He always was – that much she had to give him credit for.  
She looked out of the passenger side window with a dark, brooding look, secretly chiding herself. Reflecting on everything that Daryl had told them about the way she and Rick had been going about things today, there was only one conclusion – she had messed up entirely. They both had.   
How could they totally miss walkers that could have meant their death? How could they search a farmhouse, but not look into any of the outbuildings at all? How could she sit watch and forget to bring a gun? How could someone follow them all day long without either of them noticing?  
Distracted. Hell, yes, they had been distracted, but probably for different reasons.   
Her careless behavior wasn’t really what was bothering her most though.   
She noticed Rick casting her a glance once in a while, but he didn’t say a word. Maybe because he didn’t have a clue what to say to her, how to help with whatever was apparently bothering her. And maybe because he didn’t care. Because after each glance in her direction he would focus on the biker in front of them again and the smile was instantly back, while the woman sitting next to him was forgotten.   
She couldn’t help gritting her teeth.   
What the heck was going on between those two? The one moment she thought it was nothing and the next it seemed obvious that there was _more._ She just couldn’t put her finger on it.  
What happened the other night – could it be that that was more than just a one-night stand? But if they had made the transition from friends to lovers, how come they didn’t touch, didn’t show any more intimacy than before? On the contrary. There was a distance, an awkwardness between them that was palpable.   
Maybe it was way harder than they had thought to have a lay with the best friend and then go back to how it was before and try to ignore the incident ever happened?   
Well, that was their problem. Pondering on how to get their friendship back on track was probably what had kept Rick distracted all day long, next to the urgent need to find supplies. What had kept her distracted were her confused thoughts and emotions, the question whether or not she wanted Rick Grimes.  
The idea that there could be something _serious_ between him and Daryl had set this avalanche in motion, made her understand that she had best make her move before someone else did. And there was never a better time than the present.

She straightened up suddenly and turned around in her seat, flashing Rick a smile. He noticed her change in demeanor instantly and looked at her, surprised and relieved alike. Her sadness hadn’t eluded him, but he hadn’t known what to say, what to do, what had caused it at all. Was she blaming herself for this mission to be a bit of a disaster so far? Well, if she did, the blame sure wasn’t entirely on her – he had messed up just the same.   
The moment he had planned to stop the van and talk to her, she turned around and flashed him a smile. Apparently the crisis was over and she had worked it out by herself. 

        “Are you alright?” he asked gently, returning the smile. 

Her smile widened. 

        “Better than that”, she replied. “I’ve been thinking …”

        “Did it hurt?” he teased, but she ignored the joke. 

        “Came to a conclusion”, she added, the same second she reached out and placed her hand on his thigh.

His smile crumbled and turned into a surprised frown. Before he had a chance to say anything, her hand started moving and teasingly approached his crotch while the expression on her face clearly shifted from amused to seductive – this wasn’t a joke, she meant it.  
Rick gasped when that hand was going for parts of his body it had no business in.

        “Stop it!” He looked her firmly in the eyes. “Are you coming on to … Shit!”

Without a warning he hit the breaks forcefully and the tires of the van squealed in protest as the vehicle skidded for a second and then stopped inches before the back wheel of Daryl’s bike. 

        “Goddamnit, Michonne!” 

Rick’s heart was beating violently and he panted heavily. He hadn’t noticed that Daryl had stopped, had been too distracted by that woman having her hand close to his private parts. Just a second later, only a few inches further and he would have run over his lover.   
He pushed the door open and jumped out of the car the same moment Daryl’s angry yell reached his ears:

        “The hell’s the matter with ya, man? Ya wanna kill me? 

Rick was by his side in few large steps and reached out to hug him, but Daryl’s angry scowl had him freeze.

        “Ya been _distracted_ again?”

His voice sounded hoarse and the archer swallowed hard against an irritating raspy sensation in the back of his throat. He cast a look to the van where he could see Michonne sit in her seat with a clearly guilty air on her face.

        “I’m sorry”, Rick croaked out and directed Daryl’s attention back to his friend. 

With the raspy and stinging sensation in his throat increasing, the older man looked in Rick’s eyes while desperately trying to keep a straight face. 

_“Sorry for what, Rick?”_ he thought, while he drowned in the azure blue depths before him.   
_“Sorry for the almost-accident, or for whatever happened between you and her that had ya realize that I ain’t what ya want after all?”_

“Forget it”, he just said in a voice that sounded choked even to his own ears.  
He nodded to a building behind Rick’s back that the leader hadn’t even noticed yet.  
          “Found us a shelter for tanight. No sense in headin’ out further today. Guess we could all need a break.”   

 

The building Daryl had pointed out used to be a school according to a sign attached next to the front door.   
It was a two-story red brick building with a flight of stairs leading up to an impressive wide and solid wooden front door, the entire perimeter securily and conviniently fenced in. Apparently this building dated way back and it still stood proud despite all the years it had seen and the recent neglect. It was the perfect shelter for the night – save for the walkers _inside_ the fence. There was no way of telling how many more there were inside the school.

Rick waved to Michonne to get out of the van and join them, while Daryl was already walking up to the front gate to take a closer look. The next moment his two companions showed up next to him and followed his look through the fence with serious and concentrated expressions on their faces. This time they would do it right, stay focussed, not mess up again – they couldn’t afford any more mistakes. 

Daryl pointed to the right.

        “We’re lucky. Front part a’ the compound’s sealed off by an extra fence ‘n’ a gate over there. Even if there’s more walkers to the side and in back, they can’t get here, so we just need ta take care a’ ‘em fuckers there.”

He nodded to a group of half a dozen walkers who were in between the entrance gate and the front door. A number they should easily be able to handle.

        “Alright.” Rick pulled the hatchet from his belt. “Try ta use guns only when all else fails. Don’t wanna make more noise than necessary and we should start saving ammo.”   
He pointed his thumb over his shoulder towards the van.  
        “All the guns Daryl found are not gonna be of any use, if we don’t have ammo.” 

Both Daryl and Michonne nodded in agreement and a moment later Rick pulled the front gate open and slipped through the gap first, with the archer and Michonne right behind him.   
The walkers noticed them instantly and came stumbling in their direction with their usual hissing and growling, hands clawing at them as far as they still had them. Many walkers were missing parts of their body these days and were basically falling apart more and more. If the living would just go on breathing and no one would turn for a long time, this might have been over one of these days, but things were never easy.   
Unfortunately the dead were their least problem. 

Five minutes later not a single one of the walkers was still standing and while Daryl slung the crossbow over his shoulder, Michonne and Rick wiped off their weapons and took a content look around.

        “Good start”, she commented, before taking the lead and heading to the front door. 

For a second the archer considered telling her not to barge through the door like she had done in Reading, but he swallowed the comment. She wasn’t dumb and well able to handle things – if she stayed focussed now.   
The moment Michonne reached the stairs and was about to head up, another walker that was stuck in a bush at the foot of the stairs reached for her unexpectedly and was decapitated in the blink of an eye. When she cast the two men a look over her shoulder, Daryl gave her an approving nod – obviously she _was_ focussed.  

The solid wood door didn’t have any windows, but there was a narrow one on either side of it the same height as the door and cautiously Michonne peeked through the left one, while Daryl took a look on the other side.   
A moment later he noticed Rick behind him, peeking over his shoulder into the corridor on the other side of the door, one hand on Daryl’s shoulder and so close that the archer could feel his friend’s breath like a caress across his neck.   
He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes for a second. 

        _“Stay focussed!”_ he berated himself. 

The last thing they needed now was for him to get distracted, too, over this love triangle problem they were dealing with. Later. Not now. They had more important things to think of – like staying alive. 

        “See anything?” Rick whispered to him and Daryl’s eyes flew back open. 

        “Nah, ain’t seein’ a single one a’ ‘em stinkers, but there’s a double door ta the right – probably the cafeteria or auditorium or somethin’. And …”

        “Two doors over here on the left side”, Michonne cut in. The first one’s open.” She squinted her eyes. “The other one’s smaller – could be a broom closet or the janitorial room. Seems to be closed.” 

        “Huh. Anything else?”

Daryl took a step to the side and looked at his man.

        “See for yerself.”

Rick almost flattened his nose against the glass while he tried to make out more details in the twilight beyond, when a decaying face appearing right in front of him and two fleshless hands being slammed against the glass from the other side had him tumble back in shock and almost fall down the stairs backwards.   
Reacting instantly, Daryl reached out and grabbed Rick’s hand to prevent that. 

        “Goddamnit!” Rick cursed. “That one must have been standing right behind the door. Those fuckers are gonna gimme a heartattack one of these days.”

        “Heard ya have better plans before”, Daryl commented dryly. 

If Rick had noticed that he was still holding his hand, it didn’t show and with a sigh the archer let go again. 

        “So there’s at least one in that corridor”, Michonne’s voice drew their attention to the woman. 

Daryl’s face grew darker when he peeked through the window again where the walker was still clawing and growling and trying to get to them through the glass.

        “Two. One just came outta that room to the right. There’s probably more. Did ya see the fire door down the corridor?” 

She nodded.

        “Yup. Can’t tell if there are any more walkers on the other side, but if there are, we need to get that door jammed to keep them in the back part of the building. We might be able to clear out the rooms in front here, but if there’s more coming through that door …”

        “Right”, Rick nodded, “can’t have any surprises.” He looked at Michonne. “If Daryl and I take care of the walkers in the corridor and the ones in the rooms, do you think you can get to that fire door and jam it?”

        “With what?” 

Rick cast Daryl a glance and saw the archer shrug.  
         
        “Got a point there.”

The leader moved over to the window on Michonne’s side and took another look into the corridor just when the second walker noticed him and came running towards him as fast as it was able to. Not realizing there was glass, its head collided forcefully with the window and blood as well as the remains of brain mass splashed against the screen.    
Rick pulled a face and cast both Daryl and Michonne a meaningful look that had smiles spead over both faces despite the serious situation. 

        “Like yer style, man”, Daryl commented dryly. “Ya just took out the first a’ ‘em without liftin’ a finger.” 

Rick couldn’t help laughing before he turned to Michonne and said:  
         
        “There’s a fire hose reel right next to that fire door. If you can reach it, you can tie the two handles together. There should be an axe there, too. Put that through the handles for additional support.”

        “Got it.” 

        “Damn!” Daryl looked up from where he was trying to peek past walker No. 1 into the corridor. “Two more just came outta that room. We gotta move now ‘fore things get outta control in there.”

Rick clutched his hatchet and looked from one of his companions to the other. 

        “Ready?”

        “Yeah, go!”

With one rough jerk the younger man pulled the door open and instantly swung his hatchet at the walker to the right, who went down soundlessly and with a split head a second later.   
Michonne hurried past him and ran towards the two other walkers, who were headed their way the moment they had come through the door. In one flowing motion she turned on her own axis with her catana raised and cut the heads of both zombies in half.

        “Like yer style, too”, Daryl said before he hurried over to the double door. On passing the first room on the left he cast a glance inside and found it empty. Just as he meant to count their blessings he arrived at the double door and the interior of the room beyond had his pulse rate pick up instantly.    
        “Shit! Rick, gimme a hand!”

He fired a bolt into the room and reached for the first of the two door leaves to pull it close, when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Michonne turned to help him.

        “No, Rick’s got it. Go seal that door!”

The second Rick was by his side, several walkers appeared in the hallway beyond the fire door and approached it. Michonne saw them, too, and cursed under her breath.

        “Damn. There’s more. Does that door open our way at all?”

She was still hoping that maybe there wouldn’t be a problem at all, since walkers were unlikely able to figure out how to _pull_ doors open. 

        “Probably”, Rick called to her. “Case of a fire people have to be able to get out quickly, so hurry up already.”

Daryl firing his crossbow into the room once more drew his attention to the matters at hand and his eyes grew large.   
         
        “Gotta be kidding me”, he muttered while he stabbed another attacker straight in the face and then reached for his leaf of the door to pull it close.

The two men stood next to each other, each holding one half of the double door closed in case the walkers _had_ figured out how to pull doors open and cast their partner a look. 

        “How many? Whadda ya think?”

        “Rough estimate – ninety-nine”, Rick said sarcastically. 

        “Nah, ain’t gotta be so pessimistic.” Daryl gave a derisive grunt. “We put three down already – only ninety-six.” 

        “Right, that makes me feel so much better now. – Michonne!” 

The young woman just pulled the hose off the reel and started to tie it around the door handles, when walkers started to accumulate on the other side and pushed against it. 

        “Fuck! – Rick, hold the door”, Daryl said the same moment he let go of his leaf and ran over to Michonne, forcefully pushing against the fire door with all the strength he had. 

Which was more than Rick could have mustered and that had made the decision easy. There was no time for discussions. No time to wait for their leader’s call. Daryl’s chance of success in holding that door shut was higher, simple as that. Besides, it was unlikely for any walker to be able to make their way out of the room Rick was guarding, but the fire door was clearly dangerous terrain and if someone had to be here, it would be him, not Rick.   
Michonne was wrapping the hose around the handles as quickly as she could, while Daryl pressed his back to the glass door and looked over her shoulder. 

        “Where’s the axe?”  
         
        “Gone.”

Of course it was. These days things like that were invaluable. 

        “Ain’t sure the hose is gonna hold. Check that broom closet or whatever it is.” 

Her knife in hand Michonne pulled the door open and several brooms and mops came falling out toward her. She stumbled backwards, tripped and landed on her backside a second later.   
Pulling a face she instantly got up again and flashed Daryl a warning glance.

        “Not one word!”

        “Wasn’t gonna say nothin’.”

        “But I know what you’re thinking.”

His expression darkened.

        “Doubt that”, he said.

A shove to his back by walkers pushing against the door saved her the answer. She grabbed two of the brooms and hurried to push them through the handles as well.  
Together both Daryl and Michonne took a few steps back and watched the result of their cooperation. It worked. The door barely gave way any longer and as long as neither the brooms nor the hose broke, no walker would make it through there. 

        “Good job.”

Michonne flashed the archer a smile and held up her hand for a high five. He ignored it.

        “Ain’t done yet”, he replied matter-of-factly before turning on his heels and walking over to Rick with large steps.   
        “Got a plan?”

        “We could toss one or two grenades in there”, Rick replied. “That should take out most of them, if not all.”

        “Right, and us along with them”, Michonne cut in. She pointed at the two walkers next to the front door that they had put down first. 

Neither of them had noticed yet that they were wearing uniforms and had ammunition belts as well as several grenades attached to their gear. 

        “She’s right”, Daryl agreed. “Looks as though the army turned the place into a camp or somethin’. If there’s more a’ ‘em guys in there the whole place is gonna go up.”

Despite what he had just said, a smile spread over Rick’s face suddenly.

        “If there’s more of these guys in there … “

He let the sentence hang in the air and saw understanding on the faces of his companions.

 

        “Ninety-nine assholes with guns, ammo and grenades”, Daryl said, locking eyes with  Rick. “There’s yer army – least the supply problem is covered. Still, we’re clearly outnumbered.”

        “They can’t get through the door all at once”, Rick replied. “We’ll push one leaf open and take them down one by one.”

Michonne nodded.

        “Good plan, but there’s not enough room for all three of us to operate. We’ll take turns. It’s probably gonna take a while to put them all down and we should make sure there are no surprises in our back in case we gotta run.”

That said she was about to turn on her heels and head to the front door to stand sentry there and secure their escape path, when Daryl’s voice held her back.

        “Hey! We need a faster weapon than the crossbow for the first round when there’s still lots a’ ‘em in there. Takes too long to reload and they gonna keep comin’. Yer catana‘s the better choice.”

Michonne exchanged a surprise look with Rick and shrugged.  
         
        “You sure?”

        “Yeah.” It was him heading to the front door now and on passing her it was obvious that he meant to say something, but in the end he swallowed it and wordlessly took up his post. 

He cast a look outside and saw no cause for alarm. The van and his bike were still parked out front just where they had left them and there were no walkers in sight, so he looked over his shoulder and watched as Michonne took up fighting position next to Rick.   
Instantly the green-eyed monster punched Daryl in the guts once more and had him suck in the air. She was standing slightly behind Rick’s shoulder, waiting for him to push the door open, and Daryl couldn’t help gritting his teeth. That was his spot. That place on Rick’s side had always been his ever since Shane had first called him Rick’s _wingman._ And now she was claiming that place – not just for this one battle, but permanentely.   
For just a split second Daryl wondered if Shane had felt jealous back then, too. If he had hated him for taking up the place by Rick’s side that used to be his. Probably not. Shane didn’t want that place anymore. He didn’t want _Rick_ anymore – not as his wingman, not as his friend, not in any way. Shane just wanted Lori and probably couldn’t care less about the building friendship between his former best friend and the redneck.   
Things were quite different with Michonne. _She_ wanted Rick, that much was obvious. She wanted him in every way imaginable and that thought had Daryl’s stomach in knots again and his pulse rate pick up considerably.   
It was the hardest thing to do just now – leave Rick’s side and give up his accustomed spot to her. But it was the right decision. She and her catana would be more effective, which meant Rick was a lot safer with her there than with Daryl. Maybe they just were the better team in all respects. 

        “Ready?” Rick asked her in that moment and she nodded, pushing the tip of her sword against the leaf to open it.

Daryl loaded and cocked the crossbow and stood at attention. If anything should go wrong, he’d be there.   
The next moment Michonne gave a shove and the door flew open. Rick’s hatchet cut through the air instantly and split the head of the first walker who approached the door, a second before Michonne stabbed the second one through the chin, the catana coming out of the top of the walker’s head.   
They were too busy to notice Daryl standing in the doorway behind them, keeping an eye on them and the perimeter outside in turns, while a stray tear ran down his cheek. 

 

After the first dozen of walkers were put down there was quite a pile of them right behind the door and Rick and Michonne had to start climbing up on them to reach the ones accumulating in back. 

        “This is not gonna work!” Rick called over the noise of the walkers’ hissing and snarling. “If we lose our footing here, we’re gonna end up down there with them.”

        “Whadda you suggest?” 

        “Clear that pile first. Least a few of them.”

He opened his mouth to call Daryl, but shut it with a surprised air a second later when he looked over his shoulder and found his friend standing right behind him.   
A smile flashed across his face that did not go unnoticed.  

        “Told ya”, Daryl muttered softly and the smile on Rick’s face widened. 

Then he sobered up and pointed at the piling up corpses. 

        “We gotta clear that heap, so we don’t have to climb it to put more of them down.”

        “Ya got it, but leave some a’ ‘em there. That barrier is gonna keep ‘em in till we’re done with ‘em.”

        “Good thought”, Michonne tossed in, while she took a step back. “Long range weapon should be more useful now. While Rick takes out the ones in front, you can start putting down those in back.” 

Daryl cast her a scrutinizing look for a second and then nodded. The way he and Michonne had been dealing with each other ever since he joined this mission was _odd_ to say the least. First they had been in each other’s face and now they were awkwardly civilized. If Rick had noticed, he didn’t let it show.   

 

Half an hour later not a single walker was left standing in what turned out to be the school’s cafeteria. It took the three of them another half hour to remove the corpses and take them outside to pile them up there. A count while they did so concluded at fifty-four. Not quite as many as they had thought, but enough to leave the three people exhausted, sweaty, thirsty and ready for a break.    
Before they took a breather though, they relieved the dead soldiers of all of their weapons and took them into the cafeteria that would serve as shelter for the night.   
Not all of the zombies they had put down had been army personell – there had been civilians, too. What the heck ever had those people turn against each other was entirely beyond them.   
They had been safe within the fences – as safe as anyone could be these days – and a lack of water or food apparently hadn’t been the problem. While searching the cafeteria for something to eat and water they had come across piles of MREs and canisters of water – a fact that had carved a smile into Rick Grimes’ face that wouldn’t disappear again – so why all these people had to die was a total mystery. 

The room was a mess. The massacre they had carried out in there had left the floor, walls as well as the tables and chairs in there splattered with blood and worse and it stank to high heaven. 

Daryl pulled a face.

        “Ya best put ‘em mops ta work in here”, he announced matter-of-factly. “’m gonna park the van and ma bike inside the fence and get our stuff.” 

        “Now wait a minute.” Michonne put her hands to her hips and cast him a scowl. “Why don’t _you_ put the mop to work and _I_ get our stuff.”

        “Easy – I didn’t make this mess in here. ‘twas you two. Crossbow leaves a clean shot in the head – splitting heads, choppin’ walkers ta pieces ‘n’ havin’ all that gross stuff splash all over the place … That was you. So ‘s you cleanin’ up, too. ‘sides, ya can’t ride ma bike.”

        “Yeah? Makes you think so?” she shot back challengingly. 

        “I got the keys!”

That said he turned on his heels and headed to the front door, while a chuckle behind her back had Michonne turn around to Rick and cast him a killer scowl. 

        “Think that’s funny?”

        “Absolutely. Point for Daryl, Michonne, face it.” 

        “You keeping score?” she slipped and bit her lip a second later.

Even if this was a contest between her and Daryl with Rick as the winner’s prize, she never meant to make it so obvious. Rick wasn’t supposed to know. But then, maybe he had noticed quite a while ago. If so, his expression didn’t give away whether this battle over him made him feel flattered or amused or rather annoyed. 

For a moment the leader just looked Michonne in the eyes, then he said:

        “Soon as we’ve got that mess in there cleaned up, we’re gonna have a talk. You and I.”  


	4. Chapter 4

Both Michonne and Rick worked in silence as they tried to tidy up at least a larger corner of the room.   
Without actually saying it out loud they both knew they weren’t going to clean the entire place and waste precious time and water on nothing. By now nobody cared about things like that anymore. Most times they all looked little neater than the walkers themselves and they had all slept in places or eaten things they wouldn’t have touched with a ten-foot-pole before the apocalypse – this wasn’t the time to be finicky.   
Michonne couldn’t help sighing while she angrily shoved her mop from left to right. She hated chores. And she hated the sentence “We need to talk”. People never had a light chat about pleasant things in mind when they started a conversation with these words and she would have liked not to have “a talk” with Rick.   
What was there to talk about? She figured her having a hand pretty much on his junk in the van before had said it all, couldn’t have been any clearer if she had drawn him a picture. The message wasn’t going to change if they “had a talk”. The offer stood, so it was “take it or leave it” now and needed no discussion or explanation or justification or what the hell ever.   
The ‘taking or leaving’ actually required no words at all, so the issue apparently had a name – Daryl. God damn him.  
Michonne cursed under her breath. Rick wasn’t the first guy she fought over, but if she lost here, he’d be the first one she didn’t get in the end. She wasn’t used to _not_ getting what she wanted, but how was she to compete with _a man_? She had no idea just what exactly Rick saw in Daryl, but if his choice was based on the mere fact that he liked dicks better than boobs these days, she was definitely kicked out of the equation.

         “Michonne!”

Rick’s voice ended her dark brooding and she cast him a questioningly glance. His eyebrows raised he said:

         “You’ve been scrubbing the same spot for almost five minutes now. I think it’s clean.” 

The front door falling shut and footsteps in the corridor saved her the answer and had her expression darken again. While Rick and she had been cleaning this place, Daryl had just _disappeared_. How long did it take to move two vehicles only few yards and bring in a bag? He probably had a smoke, too, but if he was capable of multitasking, he could have had that smoke while moving his bike and the van, so all in all he should have been back in few minutes. Where the heck did that guy keep disappearing to?   
The moment Daryl came through the door with said bag slung over his shoulder, a mop being shoved between his feet almost had him trip and he stumbled a few steps into the room before regaining his balance.   
When he cast a glare in Michonne’s direction she flashed him an innocent smile and said:

         “Oops, sorry about that.”

Daryl’s eyes narrowed. Did she think him a fool? Apparently the civilized part of the day had just ended and they were back to square one – being in each other’s face.   
He sighed. This was annoying and tiring and he didn’t have the energy to fight in all directions, especially since the outcome of this battle was already decided. Why was she still keeping this up when she had already won?

         “You alright?” 

Rick’s soft voice behind him had Daryl turn around and look into the other man’s concerned blue eyes. The archer suppressed a sigh. That question wasn’t easily answered anymore.

         “Sure. Why not?”

         “I was getting worried. What took you so long?”

Daryl placed the bag on a nearby table and something lit up in his eyes when he turned back to his friend.

         “I got somethin’ ta show ya. C’mon.” He took a step towards the door. “Yer not gonna believe this.” 

         “Daryl.” Rick made no move to follow him. “Whatever it is you are going to show us, is it likely to be gone in ten minutes or could it be a threat in ten minutes?”

A confused frown spread over the archer’s face.

         “Nah, don’t think so. What …?”

         “Then it can _wait_ ten minutes.” Rick reached for two items on a table behind his back and a moment later pushed a plastic cup with water and one of the MREs into his partner’s hands.   
         “Take a break. – _Please_.” 

Daryl looked at his partner as though he had just grown a second head. It was true, he was running on empty, but what he had found was far more important than his empty stomach. As though Rick was able to read his mind, which probably wasn’t too hard to accomplish since Daryl made no move to eat although the growling of his stomach was clearly audible, the leader gently pushed him down onto the nearest chair and left his hand rested on Daryl’s shoulder.  

         “Take – a – break”, he repeated, kind but determinedly. 

         “Yes, mom”, the older man grumbled.

With a smile Rick gave his shoulder a squeeze, before picking up his mop and casting Michonne a prompting glance that clearly carried the message: _“Back to work.”_ Her killer scowl had his smile even widen.   
Secretly Rick cast a glance on his watch every other minute and wasn’t surprised when Daryl announced the end of his break after exactly 4 minutes and 27 seconds. He should have made a bet whether Daryl would be able to sit still the full ten minutes – it would have easily been won. 

         “Alright”, Rick sighed, “what is it you wanna show us?” 

The older man cast a glance to the windows and pulled a face. He could have showed Rick, _them_ , without even leaving the room, theoretically. But the architect of this building apparently hadn’t been a fan of the thesis that school should be fun and a pleasant place to be. So when he designed the cafeteria he had made sure no time was wasted by looking out of the windows and enjoying the view or lounging on the sills. There were no sills and the windows were way too high to look out. For a moment Daryl was strangly reminded of the prison – all that was missing were bars.

Signaling to both Rick and Michonne to follow him, he took the lead and a moment later they left through the front door and headed straight to the gate to the adjoining part of the compound.   
There were walkers swarming in there and Daryl could feel Rick’s eyes in the back of his head with the unspoken question _“Why did you go in there, alone, without telling us?”_ , but he didn’t say a word. Daryl was thankful for that, because he wouldn’t have had an answer.   
Maybe he had challenged those fucking higher forces who kept messing with his life. Maybe he had tried to force a decision. If their plan for Rick was to be with Michonne, this would have been their chance to take him out of the equation once and for all. But they hadn’t. The game wasn’t over yet.

There was a break hall attached to the building in a ninety degree angle and several containers blocked the view on the perimeter beyond, which probably was the reason for only few of the walkers being here in the front part of the compound. Daryl had seen the others – he knew there were far more.  
Unbothered by walkers they hurried to the containers, where Daryl stopped and let the other two take a look for themselves. 

         “The hell …” Michonne muttered. “A carnival?” 

On a meadow behind the school building stood a Ferris wheel surrounded by several booths of the usual carnival attractions – a high striker game, toss the ball, several booths with food and candy, carousels as well as a slide. 

         “Some school, huh?” Daryl commented dryly. “Sure didn’t have any fancy stuff like that at the one I hadda go to.”

Rick pointed at a banner that was losely dangling in a tree, one end still attached and holding it in place enough to read. 

         “School’s 75th anniversary. The carnival was just here to celebrate the occasion.”  
He swallowed thickly and ran a hand through his curls.  
         “I just hope they got to enjoy it before the outbreak.” 

He didn’t say anymore, but the way his eyes frantically wandered over the numerous walkers left little to the speculation – he was checking, and _dreading,_ to see children among those walkers, but there were none.   
One of the first dead he had to put down right after all this had started was a little girl. Then Sophia. He didn’t know why it even made a difference once they had turned – they were undead and they were mindless preditors no matter how old they had been when they died. But it always hurt him profoundly when he came across a child looking at him with those glassy, empty eyes right before he put it down. He had to think of Judith and Carl each time and on how children deserved to get a chance to grow up and have a longer life, decades instead of only a few years, even if it meant having to spend them in a world like this.  
Rick wasn’t sure what shocked him more – the times they came across a child-walker or the fact that they rarely ever did. Same as there barely ever seemed to be old people among the walkers. It looked as though the weakest members of the society never even had a chance to turn into one of _them._ They probably served as food for the herds a long time ago and the mere imagination of what happened to all the children who were supposed to play and laugh in this carnival brought tears to Rick’s eyes. 

Daryl placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze brought him back to the here and now. He cast his partner a grateful smile and with a deep breath Rick composed himself. They had a job to do.  
It was obvious why Daryl had wanted them to see this place. Countless of the walkers swarming this area were soldiers armed up to their teeth – as soon as they had put them down and taken those guns, their mission was completed. In addition to the weapons Daryl had already found, they had more than enough for their deal with Jadis. 

         “This is it”, Michonne said with a smile.

         “Yes, this it is”, Rick replied, a smile on his face, too, while he nudged Daryl’s shoulder with his own. 

The gesture clearly translated into: _Good job, although it was stupid of you to go in here by yourself._ Rick didn’t really have to _say_ it for Daryl to _know_ he was choking on those words.  
He let his crossbow slide off his shoulder and pulled one of the bolts out to load it, suppressing a sigh.

         “’kay, how d’ya wanna play this?”

Rick cast him a glance from the side, then looked over to Michonne before letting his eyes wander over the perimeter. 

         “Tell you tomorrow”, he then said matter-of-factly.

Daryl lowered the crossbow with a frown and replied:

         “What’s that supposed ta mean?”

         “It means we’re not gonna do this today.”

         “Rick”, Michonne protested, “we need …”

         “A break”, the leader cut in. “It’s been a long exhausting day and I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it.”   
He pointed to the west where the sky was showing hues of red, purple and orange.  
         “Sun’s setting. It’s gonna be dark soon. I’m not risking that.”

         “So yer rather risking ta lose ‘em guns?”

Rick locked eyes with his partner for a heartbeat longer than necessary before replying.

         “Yes. Not all the damn guns in the world are worth the risk of losing you. Both of you. Those guys over there have been here for a long time. They gonna stay a night longer.”

Daryl held his look for another long moment, then he let out his breath in relief and nodded. 

         “Fine by me.”

         “Thank God”, Michonne commented behind him. “My feet are killing me.” 

That said she turned on her heels and with the two men following her she headed back to the building. They just rounded a corner at the end of the break hall, when a walker reached for Michonne from out of the shadows and got hold of her arm before she was able to react.  
A second later a crossbow being slammed against the zombie’s head had blood splash all over her face while the walker went down instantly. 

         “Sonuvabitch”, Daryl just growled at it while he walked past Michonne. 

Flabbergasted she followed him with her eyes, while she wiped over her face with a disgusted air.   
On passing her Rick couldn’t help chuckling once again. 

         “Another point for Daryl, Michonne”, he said with a grin, before placing his arm around her shoulder and pulling her along. 

The gesture didn’t go unnoticed. Daryl picked up his pace and headed towards the front door of the school with furiously gritted teeth.   
He was trying to be mature about this, but if Rick had second thoughts or had changed his mind altogether, he should have the decency to just _tell_ him. Didn’t he use words like “forever” only yesterday? How can anyone forget all promises and make a U-turn in the course of one day? Was that all just a lie or some kind of game Daryl didn’t understand? After all, what did he know about relationships? If this was how they worked, he didn’t want to be part of it – it just hurt too much.   
         If he had looked back, he would have noticed that Rick had let go of Michonne after a reassuring squeeze and had hurried after his friend in order to catch up with him. He had fallen in only few steps behind him and followed him with a smile on his face now, all the while letting his eyes wander over this partner’s frame and enjoying the view.  
This time _Daryl_ had better looked over his shoulder. 

 

The sun set faster than expected and it grew dark inside the school building.   
While they were lighting a couple of the camp lights that were sitting on the tables, they all thanked Rick’s decision to not go for those weapons the same day. They would still be out there now, losing the light while they’d be stuck in the middle of a herd of walkers.   
When the soft, yellow glow of the lamps illuminated the room in an almost festive way, Michonne brought three more MREs over to a table and let herself drop heavily onto a chair.  
          
         “Dinner’s served, gentlemen”, she commented, while pushing a fork over the table to each of them. “Eat while it’s hot – I spent hours cooking”, she joked.

It fell flat. Daryl didn’t even look at her and didn’t seem to be in the mood for jokes at all, while Rick stiffled a yawn and just eyed his meal suspiciously. He was hungry and he needed nourishment in order to be able to function, but the outbreak started three years ago, so how old was that stuff anyway?   
He pushed it away and sighed heavily. It wasn’t the exceeded expiration dates that spoiled his appetite, it was the tension in this room and the fact that he most definitely still had to have a talk with Michonne, probably with both of them. But he didn’t feel up to it. He was exhausted, the lack of sleep the previous night catching up to him, and he wasn’t sure having that talk now, before the upcoming mission, was a good idea. Maybe it would make matters worse instead of solving the problem and he needed both of his companions able and _willing_ to work together.   
The incident in the van in addition to all the smiles and touches before gave Rick a clear idea what Michonne was up to. He couldn’t even blame her. Till this day he had no idea she was even interested in him beyond friendship, but it was within the rules of the game to give it a try, since she considered him single and available.   
Daryl and he hadn’t told anyone of their relationship yet and they had an agreement to keep it a secret for the time being, so fact of the matter was that Rick’s hands were tied. He couldn’t just make that decision by himself now and spill the beans without asking for Daryl’s okay first. He couldn’t tell her ‘No’ without the inevitable ‘Why not?’ question. She wasn’t dumb – maybe she had a hunch and the rejection would have her ask right out just what the heck was going on between him and Daryl. He would have to lie and he didn’t want to lie – he wanted this settled.  
So he would have had to speak to his lover first, get his permission to fill Michonne in. Daryl had kept his distance all day long, playing along and not letting show what was between them, but he was acting _different_ than usual, appeared to be on edge for some reason and Rick didn’t mean to make matters worse. Daryl was probably still sour about their unprofessional behavior today and Rick revealing to him that Michonne was having the hots for him and this being the source of the problem sure wouldn’t lift the archer’s mood at all. Rick had no idea if Daryl was the jealous kind, but those two needed to be able to work together tomorrow and he couldn’t take the risk of either one of them not being able to, because of this damn confusing love triangle thing or whatever the heck it was. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before rubbing his hands tiredly over his face. A soft warm bed would totally make his day now – that and a delicious roast beef with gravy, rosemary potatoes and a chocolate mousse for dessert. No, screw the chocolate – he much rather wanted _Daryl_ for dessert, but from the looks of it all that was in store for him tonight was an ages old MRE and the cold, hard floor of a stinking cafeteria. Welcome to the apocalypse. 

         “’m gonna take first watch”, Daryl announced unexpectedly, before he flashed Michonne a glance. “Gonna wake ya in three.”

She stared at him for a moment, before giving a curt nod. It wasn’t hard to see that of the three of them Rick was the one most likely to fall over any second now and be asleep right where he was sitting. He needed the rest and if Daryl and she took up watch first, he would be able to get six hours of hopefully undisturbed sleep. If he was able to sleep at all.   
She took a look at the floor and pulled a face. Thanks to her and Rick scrubbing this part thoroughly it was at least clean, but that didn’t make it in any way comfortable. But then – they had slept on floors before, so this was hardly the time for a performance of The Princess and the Pea. 

         “Get some rest, Rick”, Daryl said softly to his partner when he noticed the younger man open his mouth to protest. 

Naturally the leader was going to suggest to rather take first watch himself, but Rick didn’t even feel up to arguing over this now. He was more than grateful for Daryl’s offer and a moment later he just let himself drop onto the floor next to his chair, tucked one arm under his head and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. 

Wordlessly Daryl got up and picked up his crossbow from a nearby table, loaded and cocked it and then lowered himself to the floor next to Rick. He placed the crossbow in front of him as well as Glenn’s gun and then leaned back against the leg of one of the tables, his  eyes fixed firmly on the door. 

         “Ya should get some sleep, too”, he said without looking at Michonne and she nodded wordlessly. 

Three hours would be over way too quickly. Quietly she got up from her chair and moved to a spot on Daryl’s other side where she curled into a ball and tried to relax. Easier said than done, but after a while the only sound in the cafeteria was Rick’s even and deep breathing, accompanied by an occasional soft snore, while Michonne lay totally still and unmoving.   
Daryl tried to keep his eyes on the door, but time and again they would move over to Rick’s face and linger there. He loved that face, down to the last wrinkle and the salt-and-pepper-beard. He loved the smile, Rick’s lips, the perfectly shaped nose, even the little scar underneath Rick’s right eye. It didn’t mar him, it gave his face even more character. He was a handsome man, no doubt.   
Daryl didn’t consider himself to be good-looking. His lips were too thin, his eyes too narrow with bags underneath that made him look older than he was and he had never been able to grow a decent beard.   
_ She  _ was flawless with her big, round, coal-black eyes, the perfect skin and the fullest lips imaginable. Who wouldn’t rather kiss those than Daryl’s?   
No matter how hard he tried to come up with anything he had going for himself, Daryl couldn’t think of anything – anything she didn’t have to offer, too, and _more._ Rick wasn’t a fool. Why would he settle for second best if he could have first class? 

Daryl turned away and looked over to the door again, forced himself to pay attention, but his mind wouldn’t stay in the moment. On first sight it appeared as though he was alert and focussed, but the look in his eyes was empty and seemed to go right through that door. He was clearly not in the here and now.

Michonne suddenly sitting up startled him. Reluctantly he turned his head and cast her a glance.

         “Thought ya was sleepin’”, he whispered softly in order not to wake Rick.

         “Can’t”, she replied just as softly. “Can I talk to you?”

For a moment he just looked at her, trying to give her the usual Dixon deadpan, but this time he failed. It was obvious that he would have prefered to shoot himself in the foot than talk to her, but in the end he nodded wordlessly.  
With a sigh she got up and lowered herself to his side, so they could speak even softer. Rick needed that sleep and they both didn’t mean to wake him.  
At first neither of them said a word, then finally Michonne whispered:

         “I wanted to apologize. Guess I was pretty much a bitch this afternoon, although you were right – Rick and I … we’ve been a little out of sorts today. 

Daryl cast her a quick sideglance, but didn’t reply. He just shrugged it off, which had a smile tug on the corners of Michonne’s mouth. This at least was the man she used to know. 

         “And I guess I need to thank you. For saving my life today – and Rick’s. More than once.”

Again the archer did not answer, but just looked at her silently. She suppressed another sigh. This wasn’t what she had had in mind. Maybe she should have rephrased her earlier request to “talk to him”, because from the looks of it this was precisely what she was going to do – talk to him. He never agreed to saying a word in reply.   
She almost flinched when he did after all.

         “Ya didn’t come here ta thank me or apologize. Coulda done that when Rick was still awake, but ya waited. So spit it out – whadda ya want?” 

She pressed her lips together and just stared ahead of herself for a moment.   
Damn, he was good. Still waters run deep, as they said, and after knowing him for years she should have known better than to underestimate him.   
He may not have been one to talk much, but he saw and heard and _felt_ more than most people would have expected of him. Daryl was able to see through people and he had figured her out instantly just now. 

         “There’s something I need to ask you”, she started hesitatingly. “It’s a kinda … well, actually it’s a _very_ personal question.” 

Again there was just silence for a moment, then he said:

         “Shoot. Ya ain’t gonna let it rest anyway, so let’s get it over with.”

She swallow hard and pulled in a deep breath, before she asked:

         “Did you sleep with Rick?”   
          
Whatever he had expected the _very personal_ question to be, this caught him clearly off guard. His head whipped around and if looks had been able to kill, she would have dropped dead instantly. 

         “Ain’t none a’ yer fuckin’ business”, he growled. 

There was a line and she had clearly overstepped it just now.

         “I’m not asking because I’m curious or something. It’s just … I need to know if … you know, if whatever is going on between you guys, if that is serious.”

         “Ya _need_ ta know? Why? What’s it to ya?”

As if he wouldn’t know.

         “I’m gonna level with you – I’m interested in Rick myself.”

         “No shit”, he slipped. 

         “What’s that supposed to mean?” she replied with a frown.

          “I ain’t blind. Told ya I been watchin’ ya guys – ‘n’ I seen it.”

A frown distorted her features.

         “You’ve seen _what_?”

         “The rose he gave ya. Way ya was smilin’ at each other. Ya runnin’ yer fingers through his hair, holdin’ hands … “   
He swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat.  
         “I get it.”

There was a terrible sadness in his inflection all of a sudden and her pulse rate picked up. 

         _“Tell him”,_ she berated herself. _“Tell him he is misinterpreting these things, that there wasn’t anything …”_

She breathed in deep. Was there really nothing to all that? Maybe it was _her_ misinterpreting things. She kept quiet. 

         “Ah, the hell …”, he said frustrated after swallowing thickly. “Thought ‘twas serious – still is, least ta me. But I can only speak for maself and after today … ya best ask him yerself. Ain’t sure ‘bout nothin’ no more.”

He bit his lip, visibly fighting for his composure.

         “Don’t matter. Ain’t for either of us to decide – ‘s his choice. I ain’t fightin’ no lost cause, ‘n’ if it’s you he wants …”  
He pulled in a deep breath.  
         “Just want ‘im ta be happy.”

She pressed her lips together as the voice of conscience was almost screaming at her, but again she kept quiet.   
Whatever _this_ was that had been between Daryl and Rick, it meant in no way that Rick was even serious about it, that he felt the same way. Daryl was only speaking for himself, so as long as there was the slightest chance that Rick was still available, why shouldn’t it be her turn now? She was lonely, too. She needed, she _deserved_ someone by her side as much as Daryl did. Right? _Right?_

         “I need a smoke”, the archer croaked out and got up without looking at her. “Ya gotta keep watch till ‘m back. Can ya do that?”

         “Sure. Take your time.”

He looked down to her and once more she was sure that he was reading her mind. Of course she would tell him to take his time – so she would be alone with Rick, even if he was asleep. But she wanted him all to herself and any moment with that privacy was a gift. 

         “Just want ya ta know”, Daryl said in a choked voice. “Ain’t never felt nothin’ like this before. Ain’t never had no one ta feel it for. Till now. Rick … he’s the first good thing happenin’ ta me in all ma fuckin’ life – and yer takin’ him away from me.”  
His eyes were suspiciously shiny now.  
         “Ya better mean it ‘n’ be good ta him. And next time ya watch over him bring a fuckin’ gun. – If ya love ‘im only half as much as I do, he’s a lucky man.” 

That said he turned around and almost fled the room.

 

Michonne still stared at the door long after Daryl had left and tried to still her racing heartbeat. 

         “Shit”, she cursed under her breath. 

This was worse than she had expected. It was one thing to make a pass on someone without knowing whether or not they were even available, but to proceed down that road and approve of someone getting deeply hurt, that was something else. 

Could this really be what she wanted? Was she going to continue trying to win over Rick despite the fact that she knew about Daryl’s feelings for him now? Maybe this was the moment she had best stop and have a talk with Rick first to see where he stood.   
Then again – how was he to make the right decision without knowing what was in store at all? Only after he had had a taste of what she had to offer he was able to decide if he wanted more of that or was happy with what Daryl had to give. Whatever the heck that was supposed to be.   
She liked Daryl, she really did. He was a great guy – courageous, loyal, honest, a good fighter. But so was she, right? So why … ?

Michonne cast a look over to Rick, lost deep in thought and froze the next moment. She was looking straight into Rick’s azure blue eyes and the look in them was as piercing as her catana. 

         “Sorry”, she said gently, “did we wake you?”

         “No.” He sat up and kept staring at her. “I wasn’t sleeping. Somehow I had the feeling there was something I should know about.”

Her eyes widened. 

         “You weren’t sleeping?” Her expression darkened and when she continued her voice was clearly peppered with anger. “You’ve been eavesdropping?”

He ignored the defensive inflection and replied:

         “I did. And I’m glad I did, because I don’t think either one of you would’ve told me the whole story.”

She crossed her arms before her chest.

         “And what is the whole story, Rick?”

         “Let’s just say I heard lots of things from Daryl I was hoping to never hear – lots of reasons for jealousy and sorrow that were never even _there_. Didn’t hear nearly enough from you though. Like the truth!” 

He got up and she followed suit instantly.

         “Rick, wait  … I …”

         “I don’t wanna hear it, Michonne. Not now. I know I should’ve talked to you, but I promised Daryl to not tell anyone yet.”

She swallowed thickly.

         “Tell what?” 

Did she really have to ask? Wasn’t it obvious? Did he have to spell it for her to believe it? Well, maybe yes. Just to make sure there weren’t any more _misinterpretations._

         “I’m with Daryl, Michonne.”

         “So this _is_ serious? You love him?”

         “Been loving him for a long time, but now … yes, it _is_ serious. I’m _in love_ with him and I need you to understand that.”  

         “I do.”

         “Can you _accept_ it, too?” 

She bit her lip for a moment. Accept it … Maybe she could, if she was able to understand _why_.

         “Just tell me … Where did I go wrong? What does he have that I don’t?” 

Rick cocked his head and thought about that question for a moment. He could have listed up numerous reasons to love Daryl Dixon, but many of them would have applied to her just the same and wouldn’t have answered the question. What was the difference? What did distinguish Daryl from Michonne?

         “Daryl”, Rick said softly in the end, “loves me more than he loves himself. He was willing to let me go if that meant _I_ was happy, regardless of what it would do to him. I don’t see you doing a thing like that. All day long it has been about what _you_ wanted, Michonne, and let’s face it – if he hadn’t been there, we’d both be dead now.”

         “That’s not fair!” she protested. “You messed up, too, and I was confused because of _this_.”

         “So was he!” Rick shot back. “How do you think seeing us and coming to the wrong conclusions made him feel? Still he was there, he had my back – _our_ back. And he just sacrificed his own happiness for mine. Ours. That’s his heart. That’s what makes Daryl Daryl. All the things he does without talking about them, the things that are _him_ that make this world brighter without barely anyone ever noticing. If you have to ask what he’s got that you don't, than you haven’t noticed them, either. You don’t know him, _see_ him the way I do.”

He fell quiet and breathed in deep to compose himself. This was senseless and a waste of time. There was no explaining colors to the blind or music to a deaf person – without seeing and hearing it first hand, they would never really understand. And if Michonne couldn’t see Daryl’s true colors, than she would never get it.

Not that it mattered. Rick had seen them and they were the reason why he loved that man and not her, and she had better accept that. 

Without another word he turned on his heels to head outside and look for his partner. He had to clear this up. Now. 

         “Rick!” her voice made him stop once again. “I never meant for anyone to get hurt.”

He looked over to her and the way she was standing there all alone and looking both contrite and sad, had him curse under his breath. He should have had that talk with her despite his promise and stop the avalanche before it was in motion. The blame was on him just the same.   
          
         “Me, too, Michonne. If I ever gave you the wrong signals … I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have come to this. Guess we both messed up big time today, huh?”

This actually had a smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

         “You can say that again. At least there’s something we’ve got in common.”

He returned the smile.

         “We’ve got more in common than that and we best don’t let that one become a habit.”

         “’Agreed. – And now go see your man.”

She had watched him squirming, eager to follow Daryl and he almost ran from the room the moment he was _dismissed._  
Michonne sank heavily onto one of the chairs and breathed in deep.   
She was glad to be alone now, needed some time to herself to get her chaotic feelings and thoughts under control.   
That’s how she liked it, how it had always been – being in control was the priority and this day had been a nightmare in that respect. 

         _“All day long it has been about what_ you _wanted, Michonne.”_

Harsh words, but if the cap fits … Rick was right. It had been about what she wanted and she thought she wanted Rick. Like out of nowhere this had become an obsession and she had acted like a hormon-driven teenager, had been off guard, endangered the mission and made a spectacle of herself.   
If she could, she would have kicked her own butt in this moment. This wasn’t like her. She had sworn to herself a long time ago to never sink so low to beg, steal or borrow. She had enough going for herself, so there shouldn’t be a need for that. Still, she almost just did. Steal.   
Yes, there had been a chance that Rick was still available and it would have been within the rules of the game to give it a try, but she should have made sure first. After what she had witnessed the other night, assuming that there was more between those two men wasn’t too far-fetched, but she had ignored that.   
That was cheap. It made her look far more desperate than she was. Damnit, she was a woman with pride, dignity and the capability to take care of herself – she didn’t need to steal anyone else’s man.  
It wouldn’t have been the first time she asked a guy straight out if he was single and interested. She had always been quite self-confident and never feared the answer – whether it was a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’. Maybe this time she _had_ been afraid of a ‘No’.

         “Goddamnit, Michonne!” she chided herself. 

Deep down inside she had known a ‘No’ was likely. He had turned her down politely often enough today and still she tried. And worst of all – she hurt Daryl in the process. 

            _“Rick … he’s the first good thing happenin’ ta me in all ma fuckin’ life – and yer takin’ him away from me.”_

Tears flooded her eyes suddenly and she wiped them away with an angry gesture. Angry about herself. How was she going to be able to look either man in the eyes ever again?


	5. Chapter 5

When Rick opened the front door of the building and stepped outside, he found Daryl sitting on the top step, a smoke in hand and staring out into the night. He didn’t move, didn’t even turn his head to take a look over his shoulder. He sat totally frozen.

        “Hey”, Rick said gently, “are _you_ being distracted now?”

        “Nah”, came the grumpy reply while Daryl still not looked at him, “I heard ya long ‘fore ya came out.” 

        “Could’ve been a walker.”

Daryl cast him a quick glance, before turning back around.

        “Only if you and ‘chonne had killed each other. We took care a’ all the other stinkers in there. ‘sides, I can still tell the difference between a walker and a person by sound. – And ya smell better.” 

The last remark had Rick laugh.

        “Barely”, he replied, before lowering himself on the step next to Daryl.

        “You forgot your crossbow.”

        “I _left_ ma crossbow, ‘s a difference. Got ma knife. ‘n this.”

He pulled a gun out of the back of his waistband and held it out for Rick to see. 

        “Maggie gave it ta me. Used ta be Glenn’s.” 

He bowed his head and breathed in deep, while he tucked the gun back into his waistband. Rick watched him from the side and suppressed a sigh.   
Glenn. They both would have the heavy weight of guilt to carry for a long time, maybe forever, no matter how many times people told them it wasn’t their fault. It didn’t change the fact that Glenn was gone and that they had had their share in that – either by not doing enough or too much. There were things a man did not come back from and this may have been one of them. 

For a moment it was quiet as they sat next to each other without touching, without looking at each other, while Rick was trying to figure out how to say what he had to say.

        “Got somethin’ ya wanna tell me?” 

Daryl’s voice pulled him out of his stupor.

        “Yes, I’ve got something to tell you. I just don’t know how.”

The archer sucked in the air and tried to still his frantically beating heart. This was it. Rick was going to break up now and tell him that he reconsidered, that he’s made a mistake, how sorry he was, but that he wanted Michonne and …

        “You’re an idiot.” 

For a second Rick’s words didn’t even register, then Daryl turned to him with a frown and said:  
         
        “What?!”

        “You’ve heard me.”

The archer was on his feet in a flash. 

        “Yeah, I did. And I guess I am.”

Nobody ever broke up with him before, naturally. And he figured it was never a pleasant experience. But he had hoped Rick would be a little kinder than that, would try a more considerate approach. Then again – why? This got the message across just the same. _You’re an idiot to think I seriously ever wanted you._ Yeah, he was. 

Before Daryl had the chance to run down the steps as he had planned, Rick was on his feet, too, and grabbed his wrist to stop him. The leader wasn’t even surprised when Daryl yanked on his arm forcefully, trying to get away from him and he tightened his grip. The next second Rick had his other hand placed in the back of Daryl’s neck, pulled his head forward and kissed him. The archer tried to push him back and stuggled to get away, but Rick kissed him even harder before he pulled back.

        “How can you not know?” was all he said when he finally released Daryl and watched him instantly take a step back.   
        “After what we’ve started that night, after all I’ve told you only yesterday – how can you doubt me?” 

        “I saw ya with her”, Daryl croak out, not comprehending what the heck was going on.

        “You saw nothing”, Rick replied. “When I gave her that rose – that was a peace offer, no more. She found a toy in that house and I thought she wasn’t taking the mission seriously. I got angry and broke it, we had a quarrel, so I gave her that rose to apologize. No more. And we didn’t hold hands, either. One of my curls was tickling me, she pushed it out of my face and got a little carried away and I made her stop, because I didn’t want her hand in my hair. Don’t want anyone’s hand in my hair – except yours. You got it all wrong, Daryl.”

The archer stood totally still before him, his expression impossible to read even for Rick, and looked the younger man deep in the eyes for what felt like an eternity.   
Finally he said:

        “Ya wasn’t sleepin’, right?” 

        “No”, Rick admitted. 

        “Huh, hadda feelin’ ya wasn’t.” 

The leader’s eyes widened surprised. 

        “How? I thought I faked it pretty good.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

        “Ya did. But ya don’t snore when yer really asleep. Overdid it a li’l there. – Why d’ya do it?”

        “Because I had the feeling that you two might be talking to each other and there was something I should know about. Something was in the air all day long and no one would say a word. It was time things got out in the open.”

Daryl gave a curt nod.

        “Guess they did. Got yer answers now?” 

        “Yes.”  
         
        “Just want ya ta know. What I said in there … I meant every word of it.”

        “I know.” 

Unexpectedly Rick reached out and pulled Daryl into his arms, hugging him tight. 

        “I meant every word, too. Yesterday and the day before that.” 

Daryl let his head dip forward till it came to rest on Rick’s shoulder and hid his face in the crook of the younger man’s neck. 

        “’m sorry, Rick. I acted like a jealous fool. ‘s just, I ain’t got a clue what ‘m doin’ here. This relationship _thing_ … ‘s all new ta me. Damn, I’m a fuckin’ 40-year-old teenager.” 

Rick couldn’t help chuckling, while he ran his hand tenderly over Daryl’s hair.

        “You’re doing great. As if I was the expert. Lemme count the relationships I’ve had real quick … Oh okay, _one.”_

This had Daryl chuckle, too, and they pulled back simultaneously to look each other in the eyes. 

“Damn romance novel”, Daryl muttered with a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

        “Think so? I like it.”  
         
        “Don’t tell nobody – so do I.”

Rick leaned in and pecked his mouth, before he whispered: 

        “My lips are sealed.”

        “I sure hope not.”

The innuendo registered instantly and had a grin spread over the younger man’s face.   
He wrapped his arms around Daryl’s waist and pulled him close, the sensation of their groins pressed together instantly causing a reaction in either pair of pants.   
They started kissing, first gentle and tender, but only seconds later ardently. Rick thought he felt a tinge of desperation in the way Daryl kissed him and held him tight, but he never came to follow that train of thought.   
Still standing on the front porch of the school, they started tugging on each other’s shirts, lips and hands roaming over the other’s body. 

        “The van”, Daryl gasped, before he pulled Rick towards the steps.

They couldn’t go back into the building with Michonne in there and there was no way they would stop. They stumbled towards the van that stood only few feet away from the foot of the stairs, kissing incessantly.   
The shirts had come off even before they reached the car and Rick was fumbling with Daryl’s belt while the archer tried to get a hold of the door handle.    
The moment he had managed to pull one leaf open, Rick’s hand slipping into his pants and eager fingers closing around his cock had him moan deep in his throat.

        “Rick”, he croaked out, “get inside.”

        “Love to.”

        “Man, the _van_.” 

He knew Rick was grinning while the leader’s lips were leaving wet trails on his neck and collar bone.   
Somehow they managed to get inside the car and close the door behind them, before they lost themselves in each other. They forgot about Michonne, the apocalypse, the Saviors, the war. They shut out the world that in right that moment had no meaning.

 

Michonne paced the room and cast a glance to the door every other step.   
She didn’t have a watch on her, but it felt like an eternity since Rick had left the room to find Daryl.   
Maybe they had more things to talk about than she expected, maybe it was a more difficult conversation than it should have been, maybe they needed a little time to themselves – and maybe something had happened out there.  
The longer neither man returned, the more the sinister feeling in the pit of her stomach increased.   
Half an hour after Rick had gone outside, Michonne grabbed her catana and followed him. She had to make sure they were alright. There was no way she was going to mess up further and not be there, if they needed help.   
It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness when she stepped out onto the porch. A full moon was out and bathed the night into a silvery twilight, but at first all she saw were a few stumbling and snarling shadows beyond the fence and the silhuettes of Daryl’s bike and the van. Where were they?  
They wouldn’t have gone outside the fence in the dark and she hadn’t noticed them in the extra room or in the corridor when she had headed to the front door, so where …?  
Her eyes widened the next moment, when she took another look around. Had the van just moved? She focussed on the vehicle, one hand on her catana just in case, and sucked in the air the next moment. The car moved alright, but it was no overlooked walker stumbling against it or somebody trying to steal it – the way the car was bouncing up and down in a steady rhythm while the shock absorbers squealed in protest, left little to the imagination as to what was going on inside.

        “Well, apparently they were able to work things out”, she muttered to herself sarcastically. 

In the first impulse she meant to go back inside, since she most obviously was neither needed nor wanted out here, but she reconsidered. It wasn’t safe out here despite the fences and the gates.   
If the three of them had been able to find this place, others might, too. And they had come across enough assholes in the past to know that a huge number of survivors were ruthless scum, who took whatever they wanted and killed people just for the fun of it or because they could. Greed, power and the lack of laws to stop them had the evil grow and multiply. And Rick and Daryl were anything but alert. 

        “Distracted my ass”, Michonne muttered once more.

They hadn’t checked the fences and gates thoroughly earlier. Instead they had figured that as long as there was no reason for the walkers to try and get in here, they should have been enough of a barrier.  
As long as there was no reason …

The next moment Michonne pulled a face as the snarling and growling of the walkers was almost drowned out by the sounds coming from the van, while the shaking of the car grew fiercer. 

        “Jeez, are they screwing in there or killing each other?” 

She sounded bitter even to her own ears and sighed.   
There was a dull ache deep down inside, but surprisingly it wasn’t in the center of her chest as she had expected. It sat lower, somewhere in her stomach and being honest to herself she had to admit that what she was feeling wasn’t a heartache, it was hurt pride. Being rejected always stung, but a bruised ego wasn’t nearly as bad as a broken heart.   
The walkers on the other side of the fence had started to notice the sounds and motions coming from the car and a few of them were headed their way now. There was no way of telling if those fences would hold once they were pushing against it, but fortunately it was only a small number of walkers – six, maybe seven – and from the sound of it Daryl and Rick were already in the ninth inning. This wasn’t going to take much longer.  
Michonne couldn’t help giggling while she ran down the steps towards the fence, her catana drawn to put down the walkers that came too close. When the first one appeared before her, clawing his hands in her direction, she pushed the sword through a hole of the fence and stabbed it right in the face.

        “Rick!” Daryl’s cry behind her had her look over her shoulder and feel instantly sorry for the maltreated old van. 

        “If they keep it up like that, we’re gonna _walk_ home”, she said to the approaching walkers, before turning back around and stabbing a second one.

        “Rick! Fuck, Rick!!” 

        “There’s goes Daryl”, Michonne commented to the third walker that had just appeared in front of her and put it down, not without the weird thought crossing her mind that the last thing it heard was Daryl Dixon’s orgasm. 

A female zombie stumbled towards the black woman and drew her attention. 

        “Hey”, Michonne said to ‘her’, “make a bet – how much longer till Rick goes off, too?” 

She was starting to enjoy this. If she couldn’t participate, the least she could do was have some kind of fun and this voyeurism was more fun than she had expected. She started to understand why Eugene took a shine to it.   
The lady walker pushed its hand against the fence and Michonne noticed that it only had three fingers left there.

        “Three minutes? No way! That better means three seconds and I doubt he’s even gonna last that long.”

Rick’s throaty moan behind her came almost simultaneously to her prediction and had a wide grin spread over Michonne’s face.

        “I win.” She stabbed the walker and watched it fall down next to the others. “You lose.”

The bouncing of the car stopped and the moment the sounds ceased, the few remaining walkers lost interest.          
Quickly Michonne turned on her heels and hurried back towards the building, almost tripping over Rick’s discarted shirt on the way. They mustn’t see her here and there was no telling how much longer they’d stay in there.   
She had no idea if they were the kind of guys that would cuddle after sex, stay in each other’s arms, kiss, maybe have a smoke and savor the warm, content and relaxed feeling of the aftermath together. Or if they were the ‘just fuck, clean up the mess and get back to business’ type of guys.   
She had known them both for years now -  not in the biblical sense, but well enough to doubt it would be the latter. She hoped it wasn’t.   
If she was right there was no need to hurry, but her job out here was definitely done. A second later the front door of the school fell shut behind her and Michonne disappeared into the twilight of the corridor beyond.

 

Inside the van the two lovers lay sated and boneless in each other’s arms and looked deep into their partner’s eyes. There were smiles playing around their lips as they were trying to catch their breath and waited for their frantically beating hearts to calm down. 

Rick pushed a sweaty strand of Daryl’s long bangs out of the older man’s face and leaned forward to kiss him tenderly. For a while they just ran their hands gently over heated skin and through each other’s hair, shared loving kisses and prayed for this moment to just last forever.   
It wouldn’t. They both knew that.

        “We should go back”, Rick whispered finally. “Michonne’s gonna wonder where we are.”

        “Michonne who?”

        “Daryl …”

The archer leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Rick’s.

        “Just kiddin’. Relax, Rick. She ‘n’ I – we gonna work it out. Ain’t got no problem with her ‘s long ‘s she stays outta ma face.” 

        “I think she never meant for things to go down the way they did. She isn’t that kind of person.”

        “Huh, we’ll see.”

        “You know, I think she …”

        “Shut up”, Daryl cut him short, kissing Rick the next moment to make sure he really did. “Ain’t wanna talk ‘bout her no more. Just wanna stay in here with ya a while longer.”

He pulled his partner closer and Rick felt a tremble run through the archer’s body.

        “You alright?”

For a moment Daryl didn’t answer. Then he said in a raspy voice:

        “Hate the Saviors. And the fuckin’ war, the apocalypse, the walkers … ‘m so tired of losin’ people.”   
For a moment he fell quiet, then he added barely audible:  
“Dunno what I’d do, if I lost ya.”

Rick ran his fingers soothingly through Daryl’s hair.

        “Same as before – go on fighting. You’ve always bounced back.”

        “That was before you. Dunno if I could still go on without ya. Don’t want to.”

        “You’ve got to, Daryl. And you can. Same as I. For Carl and Judith and the rest of our family. There’s still a whole lot of _good_ people out there and they’re worth fighting for. – Promise me. Promise me you’re not gonna give in. Don’t let them win.”

Daryl pulled back and looked deep into Rick’s azure blue eyes. He could see they were tear-filled even in the twilight.

        “Promise ‘m gonna try”, he said, making the same promise that he’d made to Maggie about forgiving himself for Glenn’s death.

And he would keep this one, too. He’d try to go on without Rick, if the unthinkable should happen. _Try_. For Judith and Carl. 

        “Ya know, if Merle saw ‘n’ heard us here now, he’d be turnin’ in his grave.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Rick’s mouth, but it never made it to his eyes.   
Merle. Every once in a while Daryl would mention him in the most unlikely situations and there was always that mixture of sadness and fondness in the archer’s eyes when he did. He was probably still thinking of Merle a lot even though he didn’t let it show how much he missed him. Just like Rick still thought of Shane quite often, not without a dull ache in his chest and regret. Regret about a once strong and wonderful friendship ending like that. Luckily not all of his friendships had come to a sudden and brutal end. One evolved and became one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to him.

He cast Daryl a questioning look and saw him bite his lower lip.

        “Yeah, I buried him.” They had never talked about this before. “Merle … he was a jackass, I know that. But … he was ma jackass of a brother. Couldn’t just leave ‘im there like that.”  
He swallowed against a lump in his throat.  
        “We have ta bury the people we love, so they ain’t end up being no more than walker food. I did the same for Beth ‘n’ then Denise. – Shoulda been there ta help Maggie dig Glenn’s grave.”  
His voice was thick with emotions now.  
        “Don’t make me dig yers, too, Rick.”

Back to square one. This new fear was torturing Daryl to an extent now that Rick had never seen in him before and he didn’t like it. Didn’t like to see the archer pushed off balance because of him.

        “Daryl, you can’t let this fear take over. I’m here and I don’t intend to go anywhere – and we will win. But if anything should happen to me, I need you to keep things together and support the next one in charge the way you’ve always supported me. Even if it’s Michonne. And it’s likely gonna be her.”

Rick thought he saw a hurt expression flash over Daryl’s face for a split second, before the archer looked away.

        “Daryl. Hey, look at me, please.”

Reluctantly the shadow blue eyes met Rick’s once again.

        “You are my partner, my right-hand man, the person I trust and rely on most in this world. But you’re no leader. Whenever you were needed to take over temporarily you did a great job, but face it – you hate being the center of attention. And … I don’t want you to carry the weight of responsibility. Glenn, Beth and Denise … I know you’re blaming yourself for their death, think it was your decisions and actions that got them killed. And that guilt almost destroyed you. It might happen again. It will. And I can’t stand the thought of what it would do to you.”

It was quiet inside the van for a moment, than Daryl said:

        “Man, yer lucky Merle’s dead. With ‘em sappy stuff yer sayin’, he’d wash yer mouth out with soap.”

Rick’s words touched him deeply and he appreciated them, but they made him feel awkward at the same time. While expressing thoughts and emotions seemed to be easy for the leader, Daryl was at a loss for words and a teasing remark was the only way he was able to handle the situation. 

Rick pulled a face, torn between laughing and sulking.

        “You’re such a romantic, Dixon.”

        “Yeah, hear that all the time.” He kissed his man gently. “I get what yer saying.”

“You okay with it, too?”

“Whatever ya say, goes. Ain’t nothing ever gonna change that. – And, yeah, ‘m okay with it.”

He pecked Rick’s lips once more before he sat up, suppressing a sigh. 

        “Guess we should go back now.”

Nodding the younger man sat up, too, and in the meager light available they started fumbling for their clothes. It took them a while to find all of their socks, their boxers and pants and figure out which were whose, the entire procedure making them chuckle more than once. 

        “Ya know”, Daryl said when they were ready to leave the van, “the interestin’ part a’ the apocalypse‘s that ya get ta do things ya ain’t never done before.”

        “Like what? Sex?” 

Rick regretted the remark instantly and cast Daryl a cautious glance. He wasn’t sure whether or not he had just hit home or just jumped to conclusions due to the archer’s revelation that he never had a relationship before. That didn’t mean anything after all. Daryl just shrugged and left the remark uncommanted.

        “Better”, he said, “sex in the back of a dirty ol’ rusty can like this next to a dead deer. Bet ya never had that before.”

The leader broke out laughing and nudged his partner’s shoulder.

        “No, can’t say I have.” 

        “Welcome to the damn apocalypse.”

He made sure Glenn’s gun was securily tucked into his waistband again, pulled out his knife and cast the other man a sideglance.

        “Ready?”

Rick nodded, clutching his hatchet, and simultaneously they pushed the leaves of the backdoor open.   
It was totally quiet save for an occasional growling and snarling in the distance. Apparently there were no walkers anywhere near them. Together they left the van and closed the doors, while scanning the area for their missing shirts. They found them lying on the ground where they had dropped them and picked them up in no particular hurry. A moment later they just stood with their shirts in hand, looking at each other engaged in one of their silent conversations. It only lasted a heartbeat before either one wordlessly held his shirt out to the other man, a smile spreading over their face. 

Daryl let his hand run gently over the fabric of Rick’s shirt after he had donned it, while Rick just closed the last button on Daryl’s. 

        “It’s too tight across the chest, I know”, Rick said to his partner with a smile.

        “Nah, ‘s perfect.” 

The smile on Rick’s face widened.

        “You _are_ a romantic.”   
         
        “Maybe. But if ya tell, _I’m_ gonna wash yer mouth out with soap.”

Rick laughed and wrapped his arm around the archer’s shoulder to give him a hearty squeezy. Then they hurried back up the front steps side by side and a moment later disappeared into the school building.  

 

When they appeared in the doorway of the cafeteria Michonne was sitting in one of the chairs, feet propped up on a table and her catana across her lap. 

         “Evening”, she commented dryly, the unspoken question _“Where the heck have you been?”_ peppering her inflection

She suppressed a smirk. As if she wouldn’t know, but she was dying to hear the answer. 

         “Sorry”, Daryl muttered, “took longer than I thought.”

Michonne almost burst out laughing and fought hard to keep a straight face.

         _“Wasn’t my impression”,_ she couldn’t help thinking. 

If the men noticed her amusement, they didn’t let it show. They probably hadn’t noticed, because while they were looking at her, they didn’t really _see_ her at all.   
They stood so close that their shoulders and arms touched and when she flashed a glance to the hands between them, she could see their fingers secretly play with each other. It was kind of cute actually.

The next momemt Daryl took a step into the room and said:

         “’m still on watch. Best get some rest now.” 

His inflection was toneless. A clear indication that he was trying to hide his emotions. The typical Dixon shield – deadpan and silence. That man was able to turn into a clam from one second to the next if he chose to, and those who knew and cared about him couldn’t help but hate that he felt the need to close up way too often still. 

Michonne got up and met him halfway.

         “Can I have a word with you?”

She was well aware of the fact that things between her and Daryl weren’t settled. But they needed to get this out of the way – now. The longer they waited, the harder this conversation was going to get.

         “’chonne, night’s gonna be over ‘fore ya …”

         “Please.”

The archer exchanged a quick glance with Rick and saw the younger man give him a curt nod. He sighed. Another heart-to-heart talk, dear God. This was tiring and he doubted that the one with Michonne would end up being so pleasant as the one with Rick, but there was no avoiding it in the long run he figured.   
Rick stepped aside and let the two of them pass as they were headed into the corridor. He ran his hand gently over Daryl’s arm when he walked by, which translated into _“It’ll be okay”_ as well as _“Good night”_ – there was no sense in all three of them still being up and Rick was dead tired now. He was going to give sleep another try, knowing that this time he might succeed. 

While the younger man stretched out on the floor once again, trying to get somewhat comfortable on the cool, hard ground, Daryl stopped right in front of the door where he could see the entrance and looked questioningly at Michonne.  
She stepped from one foot onto the other before saying:

         “I didn’t _know_. It’s been quite obviously for a long time that you had … well, feelings for Rick, but I didn’t know you guys were … together. I’m not that kind of person. I don’t steal other people’s partners, even if I could.”

He just looked at her, trying to keep a straight face, but there was a reaction in his eyes he couldn’t hide. 

         “Ya didn’t say nothin’. ‘bout the rose ‘n’ stuff. Ya knew I ‘s wrong thinkin’ it meant more.”

         “True. I should have told you, I’m sorry. But I still did not _know_ at that point that the race had already been run. – I know now.”

There was a moment of silence while he just watched her. Then he said:

         “We gonna have a problem with each other ‘cause a’ this?”

         “No. I’m not a bad loser, Daryl, and I’m not fighting a lost cause, either.”

He nodded, but kept quiet. What more was there to say? Things were settled for now and whether or not they really wouldn’t have any problems with each other, only time would tell.   
Returning the nod she turned around on her heels to head back into the cafeteria, when Daryl’s voice behind her stopped her.

         “Yer alright?”

Stunned she cast a look over her shoulder and saw honest concern in his eyes.   
She may have been the woman who had tried to take the love of his life away, but she was still a friend. There’d been no bad intent, no malice in what she’d done, but Daryl remembered quite well how the fear of losing Rick had made him feel. Was she hurting, too, now?  
Michonne looked at the archer with wide eyes. She did have a bad conscience for doing what she did, but _he_ was concerned about _her_?

         “Yes, I’m alright”, she said softly.

         “Good”, was all he replied, returning her look calmly. 

She turned back around and walked into the cafeteria deep in thought, wondering if she had asked, too, if tables were turned.

         _“Rick may have been right to choose you”,_ she couldn’t help thinking. _“Of the two of us, you’re the better person.”_

 

Three hours later a hand gently shaking her woke her from a light, yet undisturbed sleep and she opened her eyes to an eerie twilight.   
Daryl had dimmed most of the camp lights save for one, so his two companions were able to sleep. The three hours of his watch were up and it was time for Michonne to take over. He was craving a few hours of sleep, since the previous night had been anything but peaceful – same as the day that had followed. And the mere fact that Rick had already been asleep when he and Michonne had come back into the room showed that his lover had had little sleep lately, either. 

         “Yer turn”, he whispered to the woman and she gave a curt nod, suppressing a yawn. 

She struggled to her feet and stretched her aching back and shoulders. No matter how many times they had slept on the ground before, she’d never get used to it.   
Rick had turned onto his side, one arm tucked underneath his head again and was fast asleep.   
It was quiet save for the sounds of the walkers behind the fire door.

         “I’m gonna go check on our friends out there”, Michonne whispered to the archer. “Gonna make sure the hose and the brooms are still holding.” 

He nodded wordlessly.   
Why tell her that he’d been doing that twice while he was on watch? They couldn’t be too careful, because if those walkers broke through, the cafeteria was a trap. It made sense to have an eye on the fire door and it would keep Michonne busy for a few minutes in which Daryl would be alone with Rick.   
This was precisely what Michonne had figured, too, when she had made her suggestion. She assumed that the archer had been prudent enough to check the door, but it wouldn’t hurt doing it again – same as giving him some time with Rick, despite the leader being asleep.   
She picked up one of the camp lights and left the room without another word, not looking back. If she had, she would have seen Daryl bend over his sleeping partner and place a feathery kiss on his head, before lying down next to him. 

The hose and brooms were still holding the door securely shut and as long as there was nothing drawing their attention, the walkers didn’t push against it. So Michonne dimmed the light further and backed away quickly after she had concluded her examination. She peeked into the extra room down the corridor for no particular reason and then decided to get some fresh air for a while.   
When she came back into the cafeteria Daryl had stretched out next to Rick and was fast asleep. At least she assumed he was.   
Rumor had it that the archer never slept as deep as others did, as though the way he grew up had taught him to keep one eye and ear open at all times, ready to react to any possible attack. Michonne didn’t even want to picture what kind of childhood that must have been.  
Daryl was lying on his side, too, mirroring Rick’s position down to the arm underneath his head and the other one placed in between of them. Their hands were almost touching, same as their heads and feet – almost.   
Michonne shook her head.   
This was pretty much how close Daryl was able to get without actually touching Rick and after what she had witnessed before she knew that they had no problem being close. No, this was a gesture of consideration. Daryl had won the race for Rick’s heart, the place by his side, but he didn’t mean to rub it in.   
Secretly she had braced herself to find them snuggled up, so this just now caught her totally by surprise. 

         _“_ _ That’s his heart. That’s what makes Daryl Daryl. All the things he does without talking about them, the things that are him that make this world brighter without barely anyone ever noticing.” _

A tiny smile tugged at the corners of Michonne’s lips the moment she saw, really _saw_ all of Daryl Dixon’s true colors for maybe the first time. 

 

When Rick opened his eyes, the sun had come up already and was shining through the high windows of the cafeteria.   
The first thing he saw was his partner’s face only inches away from his own and a second later the arm that was loosely wrapped over his side registered. A smile appeared on Rick’s face when the warm feeling of happiness spread through his entire body till even his fingertips seemed to tingle. He was wide awake in an instant.   
Cautious not to wake Daryl he lifted his head to look around the room, but they were alone. There wasn’t a sign of Michonne.  
Michonne! Shouldn’t she have woken him to take over her watch? Did something happen? Was she alright?   
He tensed up instantly when the previous happiness was replaced by anxiety, but the moment he meant to get up and check on her, Daryl’s arm around him tightened and held him in place.

         “Relax”, the archer muttered sleepily without opening his eyes. “She’s alright.”

Rick cast his lover a surprised glance and saw one of the shadow blue eyes open a crack.

         “Hey”, Rick said gently, “morning.”

         “Mornin’ yerself, sleepy head.”

They leaned in simultaneously to peck the other’s lips. 

         “Michonne was supposed to wake me.”

         “Michonne”, a voice from the door startled him, “figured you needed the sleep.”

Daryl pulled his arm away from Rick as though he’d been electrified and sat up. Damn. He hadn’t meant to snuggle up, but sometime during the night this must have just _happened._  
Rick next to him rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and was on his feet a second later.

         “Morning”, he said to Michonne with a smile. “And thanks. I’ve been sleeping like a log. Guess I really did need the sleep.”

         “Uh-huh.”

She held a pear out to him and another one to Daryl.

         “Breakfast. There’s a pear tree right next to the building. Guess we missed that yesterday.”

The archer reached for the extended fruit and bit into it with a thankful nod in Michonne’s direction.

         “Thank God”, he muttered with his mouth full, “’em MREs are goddamn awful.”

They ate quietly, which didn’t take too long and stretching his back Rick asked a moment later:

         “Seconds anyone?”

         “Ya bet. Can ya bring that tree in here?”

Rick grinned at him.

         “Hungry, huh? How about we move breakfast outside? Just gimme a headstart.”

For a split second both Daryl and Michonne looked at him surprised, but when they noticed him squirming the reason why Rick needed a moment of privacy outside was obvious. 

         “Don’t ya dare piss against our breakfast tree, man”, Daryl called after him while Rick hurried to the front door.

Michonne rolled her eyes behind his back. Dixon. He may have been a good-natured guy with a heart of gold, but he’d always have a filthy mouth. 

         “Daryl”, she addressed him and he cast her a questioning look over his shoulder. “Just so you know – you’ve been sleeping with your arm around Rick most of the night and that’s okay. I get it – you’re a couple. So you don’t have to stay clear of him now each time I’m around.”

         “Know it’s okay ‘n’ I ain’t stayin’ clear a’ him ‘cause I ‘s embarrassed or shit. Just don’t see a reason ta rub it in.”  
He breathed in deep.  
         “This probably hurts enough. Got no intention ta make it worse.” 

He was taken totally aback when she leaned in suddenly and placed a kiss on his cheek, before turning on her heels and following Rick outside.


	6. Chapter 6

Fifteen minutes later they had all had several pears and were ready for the next part of their mission. Neither of them was eager to go to the other side of that fence and face all those walkers, but they needed the weapons, every single one of them. There was no other option.  
When they approached the fence to the adjoining part of the compound, Michonne noticed Rick and Daryl freeze and exchange a wide-eyed glance. They would have had to be blind not to notice the pile of walkers Michonne had put down the previous night and simultaneously they turned around to her with raised eyebrows.

       “That what ya do at night?” Daryl commented dryly. 

       “Why were you out here by yourself?” Rick added. “What did you do that for? Could have waited till …”

       “Look”, Michonne cut him short with a defensive inflection. “Let’s just say _this_ ”, she pointed at the walkers, “as well as the fact that the bag with our weapons was in the house might have saved your lives.”

She saw total incomprehension on both of the men’s faces, so she added mercilessly:

       “Fact of the matter is, the way you guys made that poor van bounce last night would have set the grenades off, if they had still been in there. And the noise was drawing the walkers’ attention, so I put them down before they might have pushed in the fence.”

She watched in awe as Rick’s ears turned the deepest shade of red she had ever seen on a human being, while Daryl’s eyes started glowing.

       “D’ya enjoy the show?” he growled angrily.

Michonne put her hands to her hips and looked from one man to the other.

       “I wasn’t out here for _the show._ When you didn’t come back I went to check on you guys. Was afraid something had happened. Well, it wasn’t too hard to notice something _was_ happening and it’s a pretty shitty situation having to fight off walkers with your pants down. But if you’d prefer that, just let me know.” 

For a moment it was deadly silent, while one or the other glance was bouncing back and forth between them. It was Michonne’s lips that started to twitch first, while Rick made a sound deep in his throat as though he was choking on something. He cast Daryl a sideglance and noticed the archer’s feature derails, too. The next second Michonne and Rick broke out laughing, while Daryl shook his head with a smirk.

       “Gotta be kiddin’ me”, he muttered. 

When their laughter started to attract a group of walkers on the other side of the fence they fell silent and the seriousness of their situation caught up to them again.   
Rick cast a glance to his two companions and breathed in deep. 

       “Ready?”

The answer was a double nod and a moment later the leader opened the gate and slipped through the gap first. There was no turning back. 

The small group of walkers that had approached them was easily taken care of and soon they stood between the containers again like they had done the previous day.   
Nothing had changed. Countless walkers were still swarming the perimeter, the number of guns he was able to count bringing a wide smile to Rick’s face, when Michonne nudged his side and pointed to the right.

       “There’s a gap in the fence. We need to seal that before we start putting them down. Can’t have more coming in.”

Rick nodded in agreement. 

       “That car”, he pointed to a dusty Chevy. “We’re gonna push it into the gap.”

       “’kay.” 

Daryl let the crossbow slide off his shoulder and started loading it. 

       “’chonne ‘n’ I gonna keep the stinkers away from ya. Can ya handle the car by yerself?” 

       “Sure.”

       “Alright, then let’s go.”

Daryl fired the first bolt at one of the nearby walkers, while Michonne drew her sword and together they left the shadows of the containers and cleared the path to the car, while Rick headed straight to it.   
One of the soldiers must have gotten run over and died a misfortunate death when he went head first through the windshield and got stuck there. His helmet hadn’t been able to prevent that, but it protected the walker’s head enough to keep it moving.   
Rick gave it a disgusted glance, while the odd thought crossed his mind that they should find a new name for walkers that in fact never made a single step after their death. Maybe they had better just call them all ‘stinkers’ instead – no matter where they got stuck or whether or not they were still walking, that name definitely fit in all cases.  
The particular stinker that was stuck in the windshield started clawing and snapping at him the moment the leader got too close and it was quite obvious that there was no way of moving the car like that.  
Gritting his teeth Rick hurried around the ajar driver’s door and started pulling on the walker’s leg. With a sickening cracking and squishing sound the foot came loose and left the man standing with the soldier’s boot in his hand, including the foot inside. He pulled a face and reached for the walker’s belt, pulling once more only to watch in horror as the lower part of the body was torn from the torso and blood and guts spilled over the hood.

       “That’s gross as shit, man!” Daryl called to him, before stabbing a lady walker from behind that had been headed straight for Rick. “Stop playin’, will ya?” 

       “You wanna do this, smart ass?”

       “Nah. ‘s long ‘s ya havin’ fun … But we ain’t got all day, so get rid a’ the rest already.”

       “Spoilsport”, Rick commented dryly, while he pulled the walker’s torso out of the windshield and tossed it aside. 

He put the gear shift to ‘neutral’ and started pushing the car towards the gap in the fence. The next second he noticed both Michonne and Daryl at the rear of the car, giving him a hand on either side of the trunk. It stood open and was blocking the view, but before Rick was able to tell them to just shut it, shots rang out. 

       “Take cover!” he yelled to his two companions, while he jumped into the driver’s seat and slammed the door close.

More shots rang out and Rick watched in the rear view mirror that the lid of the trunk closed. He sighed in relief.  
The machine gun of one of the dead soldiers about thirty feet to their right had gotten stuck in a load of rebar and each time it tried to move forward the trigger was being pulled, thus firing a round in their direction. 

The Chevy was rolling on its own now and Rick made sure to stir it straight into the gap. There he stepped forcefully onto the break pedal and suppressed a smile when that part of the plan came together perfectly. 

       “We did it! Daryl, Michonne – are you alright?”

       “I’m okay”, Michonne’s voice answered him instantly. “Daryl’s still out there.” 

       “What?”

Rick’s head whipped around, but he wasn’t able to see clearly through the dirty rear window and walkers were moving in on them from all directions. The shots were still ringing out and the leader frantically looked around, hoping to see his man somewhere.   
He felt his heart stop a second later.  
In the rear view mirror on the passenger side he could see the archer lying on the ground, unmoving. The walkers had been more fascinated by the moving car until just now, but when it had stopped, a few of them turned around and headed back to the still form on the ground. Rick started honking, accompanied by Michonne’s voice from the trunk.

       “Are you nuts? What are you doing?”  

       “Daryl … He’s not moving!” He sounded panicky. “I gotta draw their attention. Gotta get to him. He cannot … cannot...”

       “Calm down and let me outta here already! Hurry up!”

He was grateful for her strict orders, because his thoughts and emotions were in a turmoil and he couldn’t think straight at all. He just wanted out of this car and help his partner. The urge to open the door was overwhelming, but instead he released the latches of the backseat and Michonne kicked down the backrest a second later. 

       “Sun roof”, she said while crawling out of the trunk.

When they climbed onto the roof the car was already surrounded by about twenty walkers. Eight were on their side of the fence, while the others were effectively locked out by the car that stuck in the gap like a kork.   
Rick pulled the hatchet from his belt and started hacking at heads like a man possessed, while Michonne did her thing on the other side of the car. 

       “Go!” she called to him a moment later, when they had cleared the immediate surroundings of the car. 

More stinkers were coming from the side, but she would be able to handle them alone. Her heart was beating faster when she saw Daryl still lying motionless on the ground.   
Dear God, no. Not now. Even fate couldn’t be this cruel to tear those two apart after such short a time together. And it would be a meaningless, _ironic_ death – shot by a walker. No way. Not Daryl Dixon.   
Furiously she swung her catana in a half circle and beheaded an uncoming zombie. 

       “So sick and tired of you guys”, she hissed and then turned around to face the next one.

Rick fell on his knees next to his partner, panting heavily while a cold hand seemed to choke him.

       “Daryl!”

Blood. A thin rivulet of blood was tickling down the archer’s temple, while Rick placed a shaking hand on his man’s chest, hoping to feel him breathe and his heart beating. There was nothing.

       “No, no.” Tears flooded his eyes. “Daryl, no.”

       “Other side, ya genius”, the raspy voice of the archer barely reached him over the noise of the approaching walkers. 

Rick gasped and felt as though the sun had just broken through heavy clouds when Daryl opened his eyes. Gently the archer reached for his lover’s hand and moved it over to the left side of his chest, casting him a meaningful look. For a second Rick looked at him sheepishly, before pressing a passionate kiss on his mouth. 

       “Hate to disturb”, Michonne called over to them, “but I could use a hand here.” 

More and more walkers were coming their way and Rick cast a concerned look around. He pushed back Daryl’s long bangs and saw a wound above his temple where a bullet had grazed him. 

       “Third fucking time I got shot”, the archer grumbled. “’m startin’ ta take this shit personal.” 

He let Rick pull him off the ground and sucked in the air when the world started spinning instantly.

       “We gotta get outta here”, Rick said, already looking for a way back, but Daryl shook his head. 

A motion he instantly regretted, but gritting his teeth he replied:

       “No way. We’re gonna pull this through now.”

       “But …”

Daryl left him standing in mid-sentence and made a few quick steps, knife in hand, stabbing a walker that had appeared behind Rick’s back.

       “But what?” he said while the zombie dropped down.

Rick cocked his head.

       “Never mind. Just do me a favor.”

       “Sure. Anything.”

       “Try not to get shot again.”

Daryl pulled a face.

       “I’ll consider it.” 

Together with Michonne they pulled back as more walkers came towards them and for a moment honest concern was distorting all three faces.   
Never before had they been outnumbered to such an extent and deep down inside they started wondering if their plan was such a great idea. Maybe they had best forget about those weapons, be grateful for the ones they already had and just get out of there as quickly as possible. All three of them had the same thought, but no one said it out loud. 

They reached a waist high fence around a carousel and climbed it quickly, thankful for this relatively safe place that bought them time to get a breather and plan their mission further.

       “We need to devide them”, Rick said while looking around at the accumulating walkers. “If we split them into smaller groups, we can take them out easier than having all of them coming at us together.” 

       “But we’ll have to face an entire group alone”, Michonne tossed in. 

       “If ‘em freaks stay tagether, they could easily surround us. In smaller groups we got a better chance and can operate more easily.”

Michonne wasn’t even surprised that Daryl would back up Rick’s plan. Of course he would. As always.  
The stinkers were pushing against the fence now and it threatened to tip over, so they started putting their weapons to use again, effectively taking out the front row. But as more and more were coming toward them, it was obvious that the fence wasn’t going to hold much longer.

       “You’re right”, Michonne agreed when she saw what the herd together was able to do. “We need to draw them apart.” 

The barrier gave way the same moment and turning on their heels the three of them ran. They zigzaged their way through the carnival attractions and booths and were able to slow the following herd down by tipping over the high striker, but escape wasn’t the plan – they had to put them down to get the guns.   
Rick stopped first and cast his two companions a scrutinizing look. It was now or never. Running about would just wear them out while the walkers were able to go on forever. He pointed over to the slide and nodded in Michonne’s direction and with an affirmative nod she headed that way instantly. Daryl meant to head straight on and draw his share of walkers that way, but Rick getting a hold of his wrist stopped him.   
The younger man leaned in and pecked his partner’s lips. 

       “Be safe”, was all he said before turning to the left and leading a number of stinkers that way.

They were engaged in a fierce fight in no time. The number of walkers they were up against was higher than they had estimated and they kept coming.   
Daryl’s crossbow soon reached the limit of its efficiency when reloading it took too long, so he returned it to his back and pulled out the knife instead. He envied Michonne for her catana in that moment. Even Rick’s hatchet. The knife meant having to get real close to a walker and if there were several at once, the risk of getting surrounded or attacked from various sides at the same time was pretty high. He was feeling more uncomfortable with the situation by the second. They were too many and they were too close.   
A shot ringing out had Rick flinch and look over to his partner with wide eyes. A second and third one followed and Rick noticed walkers of his group as well as Michonne’s turn around and head Daryl’s way.

       _No._

The leader saw Michonne gesture a “What the heck is he doing?” and could only shrug in reply. It was quiet now. There were no more shots, but he wasn’t able to see Daryl anymore, either. 

       “Stay focussed!” he heard Michonne yell over to him, while she stabbed through two walker heads at the same time. 

She was right. He was losing focus, was looking out for his man instead of paying attention to the danger around him, but he couldn’t shed the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. Where was he? He was injured – was he even able to keep this up? Did he need help over there? What was going on?  
He let out his breath in a relieved puff when he noticed Daryl appear on the roof of a candy booth. Apparently he had shot at the first row of walkers around him to clear a path and had managed to climb up to a higher, safer place. From up there he could put his crossbow to use again.   
On passing the booth he had grabbed a large plastic bottle filled with nonpareils and was shaking it every other moment to draw the walkers’ attention, while he kept on shooting. It was a good plan for the time being – until Daryl would run out of bolts.   
Realizing that, Rick started hacking at the zombies around him like mad once again. Sooner or later Daryl had to come down from up there to gather his bolts or use the knife – or shoot and draw too much attention. And the leader meant to have as many walkers as possible put down by then.   
Michonne noticed what he was doing and swung her catana faster as well. 

       “Rick – I got seventeen!” she yelled with a grin on her face, before cutting the head of another one in half. “Eighteen!”

       “Nineteen!” came Daryl’s reply from the roof of the booth.

Rick paused a moment to cast an unbelieving glance from one to the other. They had got to be kidding him. 

       “Zero!” he called back. “That’s how many I wanna see still standing, so cut it out.” 

       “You’re no fun, Grimes”, Michonne replied, instantly followed by Daryl’s voice calling:  
        
       “Don’t even listen ta her.”

Rick thought he saw the archer’s ambigious smirk even over the distance.   
Before he could react, Michonne’s alarmed call drew his attention:

       “Rick, watch out! Behind you!”. 

The leader cast a glance over his shoulder and cursed. A whole group of zombies had just showed up behind his back and was threatening to surround him. He had pulled back too far and was about to get caught in between the booths, with each of the narrow passageways in between of them a death trap. The only option was heading over to his left, toward the Ferris wheel, so he concentrated on putting down walkers in that direction.   
Another shot rang out as Daryl tried to help clear the path for him, but he stopped instantly when he noticed the bullet go right through the walker he had hit, effectively putting down the one behind it, too. _The one behind_ could have been Rick.   
He had taken that risk once, shooting a walker with his crossbow that was right in front of his man’s face and luckily the bolt had gotten stuck in the skull without going through back then. It had dawned on him much later that he could have shot Rick there all the same. He wasn’t going to take that risk again.   
The noise of Daryl’s gun shot had the stinkers that were blocking Rick’s way turn around and the leader was able to put them down while running past them. He jumped over the low fence surrounding the Ferris wheel and standing on safer grounds now, he let the zombies approach him and resumed putting them down. Soon they were piling up in front of the fence, which didn’t stop the others from pushing against it like before. 

       “Get outta there!” he heard Daryl yell. 

The archer had just run out of bolts and cursed under his breath. There were still quite a few stinkers to take care of and he had drawn so much attention that they had surrounded the booth by now. There was no way he could climb down and retrieve his bolts. There was no way he could climb down at all. 

       “Well done!” Michonne called out to him sarcastically. 

       “Nah”, he shot back, “forgot ta bring a cool beer up here.”

       “At least you got some candy. Twenty-nine, by the way!”

       “In yer dreams. – Yer older.” 

She gave him the finger before dodging two of the soldiers and running through a gap to her right, drawing closer to where Daryl was stuck.   
He hadn’t noticed her rude gesture. He was watching Rick, concern darkening his eyes. Any second now, no doubt, the fence would give way just like the other one before. He hadn’t even finished the thought when the prediction became reality. 

       “Shit”, Rick muttered to himself and frantically looked around himself. 

There was no way out. They were everywhere. Daryl started shooting again, trying to put down walkers that surrounded his booth in order to get down and help his lover, but the metallic ‘click’ of his gun a moment later had him freeze. Frantically he started searching his pockets, but he had used the last of his bullets and was stuck up here now with no more than a knife.   
He could _feel_ all color drain from his face. How entirely stupid! How could this even happen to him? When he looked over to Rick again, he saw his partner climb up the Ferris wheel and his heart almost stopped. 

       “Daryl!!” 

Michonne’s voice drew the archer’s attention and the next moment he saw a rifle come flying straight at him. He caught it nimbly. The woman had fought her way through the crowd of walkers surrounding the booth, had relieved one of the soldiers of a sniper rifle and had tossed it Daryl’s way.

       “Are you just gonna enjoy the view up there or are you gonna gimme a hand taking out these fuckers?” 

While Michonne took up the fight with her sword, Daryl started firing again, carefully aiming at the walkers’ heads so he wouldn’t accidentally set off any grenades. Up on his elevated position Rick pulled out his own gun and joined in.   
One by one the walkers fell like dominoes and a wide grin started to spread over the leader’s face. It was working! They were going to do this and get all of those guns and …   
He never finished that train of thought, because in the next second the bar he’d been standing on gave way and then broke off completely, causing Rick to lose his footing instantly. He dropped his gun and tried to reach for just _anything_ to prevent the fall, but to no avail. The drop was inevitable. 

       “Rick!!!!!!!!!!” 

Daryl and Michonne’s yells were bloodcurdling.   
Something apparently edible dropping off the Ferris wheel drew the attention of some of the walkers and they headed to where they had heard the sickening thud. Daryl started to fire less carefully, prompting Michonne to cast him a scowl.

        “Watch out! You wanna blow us up?”

        “Go! Go see where he is. Make sure he’s alright.”

With a nod she turned around and started fighting her way in Rick’s direction, while Daryl fired at everything that moved around the booth. His heart was in his mouth and time and again his eyes flashed over to where he had watched his lover drop. A crowd of zombies had gathered there, obviously surrounding something, clawing and tearing at it and Daryl felt as though someone was punching him in the stomach over and over. 

        _No! No!! NO!!_

Michonne was making good progress and a moment later there were only few stinkers left at the foot of the booth, too. Few enough for Daryl to risk the jump down. He started running the moment his feet touched the ground.   
The closer he came, the more frantic his heart was beating and the cold hand choking him returned. He gasped, desperately trying to hold back tears and swallowing hard against the raspy sensation in the back of his throat.   
The walkers huddled over something on the ground and Daryl desperately tried to get the image out of his mind that he was undoubtingly going to find. Rick.   
He had seen too many people die that way – being bitten by countless teeth, their flesh being torn off of their bones while they were still alive, blood gushing out, pure agony in their eyes.   
The first tear fell and the only hope Daryl still allowed was that the fall had killed Rick instantly, so he didn’t have to go through that torture.   
Rick. His Rick. After all these years of being loyally by his side as a friend, he had finally found the one person in him he had never hoped to find. And now, after only few days, the one, his _one,_ was taken away from him again. What had he ever done to deserve this? What had Rick done to deserve an end like that?   
Another death to mourn, another grave to dig, another pair of eyes that was going to haunt him in his dreams, while the thought of never looking into these eyes again would tear his heart apart every second of the day from now on. 

He felt drained of all strength suddenly. Too much. Too much pain, too much guilt, too much despair – even Daryl Dixon’s willpower and defiance knew limits.   
Why even go on at all? For what? To spend his life lonely again like before? The way it had been in all the years before Rick? He hadn’t known it any other way back then, but now that he knew what love was, how could he go on without it?   
The nights would be twice as dark and cold and the days an endless, exhausting, meaningless attempt to put one foot before the other without ever going anywhere.   
Nobody. Nothing. That’s what he had been – before Rick. And maybe that was exactly what he was meant to be, which was why Fate kept taking all the good that ever crossed his path away from him. He wasn’t supposed to be a friend, a brother, a lover. He was supposed to be alone, a meaningless nothing doomed to existance instead of life. If only there was a reason, if he could just understand why, if only it wasn’t others who time and again had to pay the price to fulfill his fate. 

_         “I give up”,  _ he thought, dipping his head and dropping the rifle he still carried. _“Ya win.”_

Screw those higher forces. Should they go ahead and take whatever the hell they wanted from him. As if he had anything left to give at all. All he had ever owned was a heart that was able to love and he had given that to Rick. Now he was no more than an empty shell. 

        _“I can’t go on without ya. Don’t want to.”_

_         “You’ve got to, Daryl. And you can. For Carl and Judith and the rest of our family. There’s still a whole lot of good people out there and they’re worth fighting for. – Promise me. Promise me you’re not gonna give in. Don’t let them win.” _

        “Oh God”, he gasped as Rick’s words echoed in his mind. 

Another tear fell. He was trapped. Trapped between despair and hopelessness – and a promise. 

        “ …ryl! Daryl!!” 

Michonne’s yell pulled him back into the here and now.

        “What the hell’s the matter with you? We need to get Rick outta there!” 

When he still wouldn’t move she was back with him in few large steps and without a warning slapped his face hard. 

        “Snap out of it! He’s not dead! He’s hiding in a supply box there and we need to get those walkers off of it – now!”

The next second she whirled around on her heels and cut a walker in half, the upper part clawing at her while the legs that lay a few inches away still moved. Before she could finish her work, Daryl was there and stabbed his knife fiercely in the walker’s head.   
         
        “Sonsuvbitches!”

He wasn’t necessarily referring to the walkers. 

New energy and determination flooded through his body and he picked up the rifle simultaneously to Michonne raising her sword. Five mintues later not a single one of the dead was left standing.   
In awe the two people looked around themselves, expecting to see more walkers come stumbling towards them, but it remained quiet. They had done it! They had put them all down. All of them.   
The next moment Daryl was at the box that reminded him achingly of a casket. It was a small, long, black metal container that may have stored parts of the Ferris wheel or electrical devices of some kind. The archer couldn’t have cared less. At this moment it stored his partner and that was all he cared for.   
He pulled the lid open and looked inside with a fearfully pounding heart. 

Bright azure blue eyes looked up to him and a smile spread over Rick’s face instantly. 

        “A sight for sore eyes”, the leader said gently in the weak attempt to joke, while he sat up. 

He had noticed instantly that there was a wet trail on Daryl’s cheek and that the archer’s eyes were suspiciously shiny.   
Daryl dropped to his knees next to him and pulled him into a crushing embrace.   
Rick returned the hug and ran his hand soothingly over the older man’s back for a moment.

        “I’m okay”, he whispered in his ear. Then he asked louder: “Can I get out of this box now?” 

Reluctantly Daryl let go and got back up. He held out his hand and pulled Rick to his feet, before suddenly slapping his upper arm.  
         
        “Ya wanna gimme a heartattack, man? ‘m too old for that kinda crap.”

With that he turned on his heels and took a few steps away to compose himself.   
Now that he was able to think clearly again he realized that he had made a spectacle of himself.   
He had acted like a headless chicken and without Michonne he would be dead now. He would have given up and allow _them_ to take his life, breaking the last and most important promise he had given to Rick. Deeply embarrassed the archer audibly sucked in the air. He would never hear the end of this.

Behind his back Michonne hugged Rick tight and placed a loving kiss on his cheek, before releasing him again.

        “Good thinking”, she said nodding at the box. She looked him over, but wasn’t able to see any injuries. Apparently even the fall hadn’t harmed him, which was a miracle in itself.  
        “You alright?” she asked nevertheless.

        “Fine”, he nodded. “Thanks to you and Daryl.”

The older man turned around and breathed in deep.

        “Nah, I didn’t …”

        “Will you cut it out?” Michonne chided him. “You should really learn to just accept gratitude and not sell yourself short all the time.” 

She looked at him calmly and closed her eyes once in a silent message that ran:  
         
        _“Let it go. It’s over and it’s perfectly okay. No one will ever know.”_

He returned the look for a moment longer than necessary before nodding wordlessly, which translated into _Thank you._ Not just for her discretion or for saving his life, but most importantly for saving Rick’s. Nothing else mattered. 

 

Together they started gathering the rifles, guns, ammo and grenades of the dead soldiers and it took them well over an hour to make sure they got them all and to load them into the van.   
When they were done the load that was piling in back of the car left all three of them speechless. It was far more than they had hoped for. 

        “It’s a wrap, guys!” Michonne smiled and held both of her palms up for a double high five. 

Shaking their heads the men slapped her hands and returned the smile.   
It was past noon and they had had hell of a morning, but the success of their mission and the joy about it gave them new energy. And made their stomachs growl. 

        “Anyone care for another delicious MRE?” Michonne asked, not without pulling a face.

        “Hell no.” Daryl waved over to the pear tree. “Let’s grab as many a’ ‘em pears as we can get ‘n’ go home.” 

The moment he had said that, Michonne’s smile vanished and she cast the two men a long thoughtful look. They didn’t even notice, because they had given each other a sideglance and their eyes had stayed locked. They appeared to be completely lost in the other one’s eyes and Michonne cleared her throat to get their attention.

        “Do you want me to go ahead?” she asked Rick. “I mean, if you two wanna stay back and have some more time together, then …”

        “No.”

Michonne raised her eyebrows in surprise when both of them had answered in sync.   
It wasn’t their synchrony that stunned her, but _what_ they had said. _No?_ ‘No’ to some more privacy, more time to themselves and a chance to make the earth shake once more? Or twice. She was sure that she wouldn’t have let an opportunity like that go to waste and couldn’t help furrowing her brow.   
She had no idea that inside both men the word “Yes” was screaming. They had wanted to say just that so badly that it almost hurt, but the quick exchange of another glance had both of them reconsider. 

They weren’t here for the fun of it and they weren’t going to act like some hormon-driven teenagers.   
These guns and the food would make a difference and they weren’t going to risk losing them – or Michonne – by sending her out with that valuable load all by herself. 

        “There’s people back home waiting”, Rick said after a deep breath. “We need to get the supplies back to them and I don’t want you out there alone.”

Michonne’s expression darkened.

        “I can defend myself – and the supplies.”

        “I know that. But that load – it’s not only important, but invaluable these days. Having it and being out there alone will put you in danger and I’m not taking that risk. I’m not losing anybody else. Especially not over some _things,_ no matter how valuable they are.”

The words _“I care, don’t you know that?”_ hung in the air, but weren’t said out loud. There was no need for that. She understood him perfectly well and her features grew soft. 

        “’m gonna go take a piss”, Daryl announce before heading to the bushes behind the van.

Michonne couldn’t help giggling.

        “He still has an elegant way of expressing himself”, she commented with a smirk, but her words didn’t even register. 

Rick’s eyes had gone blank and in a flash he was being pulled back into the past. He remembered a similar scene years back on Hershel’s farm, saw Shane approach him with anger darkening his brown eyes, while Daryl had cast Rick a quick glance from the side.   
Back then they had made the first baby steps toward each other, had put their differences aside and were somewhere in between being allies and friends.   
Shane had been like a rock in the road, the rock they kept stumbling over, that blocked their way to each other, while it unintentionally got kicked more often than not.  
Daryl had always had a very good sense for moods and he had felt the tension between Rick and Shane even over the distance.   
He had made a retreat back then with the very same words as just now, which apparently was the Dixon way of excusing themselves, of leaving when there was most obviously the need for an one-to-one between others. 

Michonne’s words finally registered and had a smile tug at the corners of Rick’s lips. 

        “Uh-huh, I guess the Dixons weren’t present when eloquence and diplomacy were handed out”, Rick replied with a fond smile in the direction Daryl had disappeared in, adding mentally:  
        _“But Daryl stood in front row when they distributed far more important things.”_

He fell quiet for a moment and just when he meant to say some more, she beat him to it.

        “Are you happy?”

It was straight forward and took him aback for a second, but then he said softly:

        “Yes.” Simple as that. What more was there to say? “And I’m sorry if I hurt you.” 

        “Just my pride”, she said gently. “I care a lot about you, Rick, have for a long time. And in time there could have been more, but … life punishes those who delay, right?”

        “I’m sorry.”

        “Don’t be. I’m happy that you are happy. He’s good for you and I’m a fair loser.”

        “You haven’t lost. Just won second place”, he said with a smile. 

She started chuckling despite herself. 

        “Oh, that must’ve been _you_ in front row there when diplomacy was handed out, you charmer.”  

Rick pulled her into his arms and placed a kiss on the top of her head, totally at a lack for words for a moment despite the diplomatic skills she gave him credit for. 

        “We would have been a good match”, Michonne said softly. “But you and Daryl, you’ve already been a good match when I first met you. And now … now you’re the _perfect_ match. Gotta be a fool not to see that.” 

        “So you’re okay?”

        “Gotta be.” She seemed to wonder about her own answer and then added: “No, I _am._ ”

He released her and she took a step back. Smiling she said:

        “I’m gonna go and pick those pears now, so we can hit the road.”

That said she turned on her heels and headed to the pear tree to go through with her plan. She had only just left for a few seconds, when Daryl appeared from behind the van and approached Rick with large steps.

        “There wasn’t really too much to clear up”, Rick said as soon as the archer stood next to him.

Daryl cast him a questioningly glance from the side.

        “The hell ya talkin’ ‘bout?” 

        “Michonne. I appreciate you giving us the time for an one-to-one, but it wasn’t really necessary.”

Daryl lifted an eyebrow.

        “Man, I hadda take a piss, ‘s all.” 

With that he followed Michonne to the pear tree to give her a hand, while Rick broke out laughing. A sound that was almost alien to his own ears, but it felt wonderful actually having a reason to laugh again. They found what they’d been looking for – and not primarily the weapons.

 

They had all three of them ended up in the tree, sitting on a branch with dangling legs and munching pears, before they had picked as many as they could reach and had loaded them into the back of the van, too. The folks back home were going to throw them a party when they saw all that they brought home.

When they were ready to leave Rick pushed the keys of the van into Michonne’s hand.

        “Can you drive the van, please? I’d like to ride with Daryl.” 

An amused sparkle came to her eyes.

        “Are you sure?” 

        “Of course I’m sure. What’s that supposed to mean?”

        “Nothing. Just didn’t think you were the type of guy who likes to ride bikes.” 

        “I’m not riding with Daryl because I like _the bike_.”

The sparkle turned into a smile when she nodded.

        “Sure. – I mean, yeah, I’m gonna drive the van.” 

 

She walked passed the archer, who had already mounted and started his bike and gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.

        “Careful driving, hotshot.”

She continued toward the gate and opened it, while Daryl followed her with his eyes. A second later he was distracted by Rick showing up next to him and casting him a loving smile, before he climbed onto the seat behind his partner. 

        _“Ya bet”,_ Daryl mentally replied to Michonne’s instruction to drive carefully. _“Got a way more valuable load than you ta take home safely.”_

He ran his hand gently over Rick’s thigh while casting a look over his shoulder. 

        “Ready?” 

The younger man wrapped his arms around his partner’s middle and held on tight, which was all the answer Daryl needed. He let the engine roar once and then the bike slowly rolled through the gate and out onto the road.   
Michonne hurried back to the car, got in and followed Rick and Daryl a second later.   
The moment the archer saw the van show up in the rear view mirror, following right behind them, he accelerated and together the two vehicles headed straight back to Alexandria.

Rick pressed closer to Daryl’s back and placed a kiss on his partner’s neck, smiling as he noticed the archer’s chuckle when that tickled him. He had no idea that Daryl was ticklish and made a mental note to find out later which other parts of Daryl’s body were ticklish. The mere prospect caused a reaction in his pants, which did not go unnoticed.

        “Yer distracting the driver, Grimes.”

        “Yeah?” Rick pressed his semi-hardened cock against Daryl’s backside and grinned when he noticed the archer slightly jump. “Didn’t know you were so easily distracted.”

        “Keep it up ‘n’ we’re gonna end up in ‘em bushes by the roadside.”

        “Sounds promising.” 

Daryl cast a glance over his shoulder.

        “Man, ‘s not what I meant.”

        “Oh?”

Rick faked a dissappointed expression and saw in the mirror that the archer started to grin.

        “Love you”, the leader mouthed to him and saw Daryl’s smile widen.   
         
        “Yeah, I can feel that”, he commented dryly, but placed one hand on Rick’s leg the same moment and caressed his partner’s thigh tenderly. 

They drove straight on for quite a while and the archer’s hand left Rick’s thigh only to interlace his fingers with his partner’s. He indulged in the feeling of the other man’s arms around him and the lean body pressed against his back, while their fingers teasingly and gently played with each other.   
The leader rested his head against Daryl’s and was enjoying the wind in his hair, the sun on his face and the feeling of holding the one person in his arms that was the answer to his prayers.  If he died now, he would die a happy man. 

The war and the Saviors and even Michonne behind them were forgotten for the time being. He didn’t look back.   
Whatever mattered to him most – Daryl, his children and their home in Alexandria –all that was in front of him. Just like the future together with the man he loved. More than anything he wanted Daryl by his side for the rest of his days and the road, their shared road, stretched out right before them. He’d make sure that there was no need to look over his shoulder ever again.  

 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Got something you wanna tell me? :-)  
> Don't hesitate - drop me a line. I appreciate each and every comment. Thanks for reading!


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